Fantasy

[Twota]

I close my dreaming eyes,
draw white lines from darkness
and create vivid figures
out of pure death.

I see myself flying
in my super hero suit,
People clapping as i fly
over their heads,
to save a young lady
trapped in a burning house.

I open my eyes and reclose,
erasing the previous painting
to create a new one.

I see the girl i love,
-but never talked to-
running towards me
with smiling open arms
to provide me with the warmth
I always wanted to feel.

The sleep is seeping
to my eyes bit by bit now,
so i switch to a new image.

I see myself behind a desk
mounted by many books, written
by my very own pen.
I am signing them for my fans,
while too many cameras
are taking pictures of me.

I smile to the photographers,
holding my book in my right
and making a V-sign with my left,
and then the cameras flash,
blinding my eyes,
erasing all paintings,
and sending me back to my bed
to fall deeply asleep,
with a smiling face.

[Delta40]

I really like this one, especially the way you erase each image as sleep infiltrates your mind. The camera flashes were well done too. I don't think the first 3 lines are actually necessary in this poem.

[Dr.reid_16]

I really like this, I thought it was great. however, the line about death is a bit confusing to me, you mention death so the reader thinks its going to be dark, but then it does a 180 and switches to happiness. To me it's a bit confusing, please correct me if I'm wrong, because one thing I cannot stand is if people are really harsh yet they don't understand. I'm just pointing that out, because I usually write about death, 9 out of 10 times :p

[Twota]

Thx Delta =DD the 1st 3 lines are gone now =]

Dr.reid, thank you, i am glad you like it =D, with death i only mean the darkness of my closed eyes, i couldn't find a better way to say it but i 'll think about one. x]

[hillwalker]

The sections when you are asleep work best by far. I thought the dream sequences were much too prosey and clashed with the rest of the poem.

I'm sure the offending parts can be reworded so they fit in better, but as it stands this is a 50/50 poem - half good, half not so good.

H

[Twota]

Thanks hill =DD dreams are prosey yah :/ but glad you like the good 50, and i ll try to fix the not so good 50 to get a 100 good ;D