Serenade

[Hawkman]

At night, having drawn my curtains
tight against a streetlight’s sodium glow,
I would lie in bed, and hear birdsong.

How loud it was, persistent as the blades
of orange light which inched through gaps
and painted bars upon the wall.

I used to think it was a nightingale
that etched my dreams, with notes like motes
in Brownian motion, caught by sunbeams.

But it was just a robin, gulled
by artificial day, whose music swam
through shade to penetrate my daze.

False nightingale, with your deceitful trills,
no longer do I hear your calls
while drifting to the arms of sleep.

Like the fox’s bark from starlit fields
and distant woods’ bass-fluted owls,
time muted you as walls could not.

[tailor STATELY]

Enjoyed.

Especially liked
I used to think it was a nightingale
that etched my dreams, his notes like motes
in Brownian motion caught in sunbeams..

The last line
I can’t mute you like the streetlight’s glare
outside my window. left me wanting (just a bit).

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[everyadventure]

Oh, those first three stanzas are MAGNIFICENT! Sodium glow... blades of light... notes like motes... fantastic. But that last stanza... very abrupt, no "music" to it, I'm afraid. But those first three-- wow!

[Hawkman]

tS & ea: Thanks and fair comment. I think the first 2 lines of the last stanza are OK but I'll work on the remainder - it lacks polish. Possibly the transition too.

Thanks again for reading. Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

I agree with EA. The last stanza seems to erase the poetry of birdsong away

[Hawkman]

Thanks Delta: I have posted a complete revision above.

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

much more musical and in keeping with the rhythm of the poem.

[hillwalker]

An improvement, Hawk.

I particularly liked

notes like motes
in Brownian motion, caught by sunbeams.

H

[AuntShecky]

In this part of the world, we don't hear many birds singing
after sundown. You have to go out into the woods to hear
an owl and his nocturnal companions. In the spring we can hear "peepers" (the little tree frogs), but this time of year it's mostly insects.

I've noticed that birds start singing before dawn, just as it starts to get light. These days I'm more likely to get up with the birds, but back in my reckless youth they started
singing when I finally called it a night.

All of that is neither here nor there regarding your remarkable verse.

Every time I see the word "birdsong" I have to look it up to see if it is indeed one word. According to my two (ancient) dictionaries, it isn't, but nonetheless I see "birdsong" in many poems.

This one "does" what it says, in that the form and content combine inextricably with rhythm and lyricism. Notable
phrases and images include: "Brownian" --brilliant scientific touch!, "false nightingale" and the delightful wordplay in "gulled by artificial day."

[Hawkman]

Thanks again, Delta & hill.

Auntie, Well, I checked one of my dictionaries and birdsong is apparently now accepted as being one word and the spell checker agrees. It is not only used frequently in poems, by the way. It is also the title of a novel by Sebastian Faulks. (it is supposed to be a best seller, but, to me at least, it is not a particularly wonderful piece of writing. One day I'll have to write a review and give my reasons.)

Where I live now I am subject to the malign infulence of nocturnal gulls. The wretched things breed on rooftops and in the season I am kept awake, or at least regularly woken, by fledgelings screaming for food! This decreases as they become more active and flutter down to the roads to be flattened by cars. But then there is no escape from the parent birds mouning their losses, as the crows and magpies feast.

My poem, as you note, presents more lyrical imagery. I used to live on the edge of a village. At the bottom of the road the countryside lurked, and the ancient hedgerows which bordered the garden were a highway for badgers which used it as a route to a source of convenience food: i.e. the garden's hedgehogs.

I miss that garden.

anyway, thanks for reading. Live and be well - H

[tailor STATELY]

Wonderful finished product Hawkman.

I wrote a poem here as an inspirational piece, but will edit & offer it on its own merits in another thread.

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[MystyrMystyry]

Wot??