Finding Happiness

[Delta40]

I fall a long way down the hill
and crash into a house with years of clutter.
A man in a dated jumpsuit presses instruction manuals
I install swimming pools and novelties.
I study the assembly plans like a Latin novice
while he assures me his wife makes the best coffee.
I hate Bushells instant and feel the muddy liquid
with three sugars eat my sorrowful insides away.
She spits bitterly her husband has never once
appreciated her and turns on the telly.
Her misery is hardened like the marble floor,
breasts sagging like shrivelled brown tubes
from bygone pool parties where she was once loved.
Thank you for the coffee. I think I'll be on my way.
I stumble over mountains of useless memorabillia.
She barely looks over her shoulder as I leave but he meets me
and smiles sheepishly through his unkempt beard.
Let me guide you to the heart of my weed filled yard.
I trek desperately, searching for any sign of an oasis.
Relax, he urges and tells me to savour the brew,
see past surfaces and drink in the depths
of a quintessential view.
I vomit the Bushells instant into a patch of lupins.
That's it. Can you see what you would like now?
There it lay, gleaming through the undergrowth.
Resounding laughter and splashing children within.
I suddenly get soaked with the joy of living.
Sweet fizzy cola and sunscreen liven my outlook.
I bend down and pick up my long lost slinky
and find I can no longer contain my happiness.

[twoheadedboy]

I really like this. Actually it reminds me of a movie called "Ondine" it's about a mermaid that ends up in an irish or scottish small town and falls in love with a man there. There is more to it then that, and it's not as stupid and cheesy as I just made it sound, haha.

I don't know if you meant to write it this way, or if you forgot to add punctuation, but I like the awkwardness or the rigidness of these couple lines.


"I hate Bushells instant and feel the muddy liquid
with three sugars eat my sorrowful insides away.
She spits bitterly her husband has never once
appreciated her and turns on the telly."

For me, it makes me re read the sentence to try to peice together what was just said, and for some reason I like that stopping and going back motion.

[Delta40]

Thanks THboy. I am struggling to show rather than tell atm.

[twoheadedboy]

show rather then tell? like you mean, in your writing, instead of telling the reader what is going on, show them through the language?

[Delta40]

show rather then tell? like you mean, in your writing, instead of telling the reader what is going on, show them through the language?

Yes that is exactly what I mean.

[AuntShecky]

This piece absolutely "shows" rather than tells. The style,subject matter , and "sensibility" could compete quite readily with the contemporary verses chosen for "Poem-A-Day." There is much to admire about your work and talent, Delta.

[Delta40]

Thanks Aunty. I need to slow on this poem a day caper though...