Three Poems

[PaulSands]

Morning Highway
Snaking down Albion’s
grey asphalt spine
red rags swim a stillborn sky,
scattershot victims,
aftermath
in the blink of an eye
witness to the impassive
downcast vault
above.
Around me?
The quick, the quicker
and the cadaverous,
collateral
of a murderous caliginosity,
garnish the mortiferous blacktop.
A charnel feast
for inky pinioned
barnstorming beaks
to swoop and dip
and flee
that they too
don’t form part
of that mortal stew

Ego
tonight
the universe revolves around
ME
the fulcrum
the centre of all gravity
I
command the tides
their ebb and flow
while the moon stands as nothing
but silvery show

I Watched The Skies
I watched the sky,
uninterrupted,
for a while.
A pusillanimous sun
squatting low
in a gruel wash
slow cooking
high white trails,
the excreta of
mechanical birds,
engorge,
then distend
into a smut blown blue
where the petty brown farts
of last nights rain
run low to the ground
as if to escape
the vitiligous patchwork sky.
Now the shadows shorten
and the dishwater glows,
swathed in banded gold,
though away behind me
dirty cotton candy mountains
bear ill intent.
But now
the brightest star,
with blinding effulgence
scorching eternal shadows,
rouses,
shrugs loose the vaprous cortege
and sits aloft
the closing bed of grim.
Then off and higher into the cerulean,
dissolving arresting clouds
into vapid venous alveoli,
continues that
ceaseless arc
leaving me amidst
a tobacco stained train.
one, follows another,
follows another,
follows another,
until anon we are separated
and they, with valedictory relief,
decant their crocodile tears
for our parting.

[hillwalker]

I found 1 and 3 the most graphic and engaging - 1 presumably about 'roadkill' and 3 about 'air pollution' (though I am being simplistic here).

My only quibbles would be some of the language used - word choice detracting from the sense of the piece.

...the cadaverous,
collateral
of a murderous caliginosity,
garnish the mortiferous blacktop.

I felt was over-the-top. I dare you to try reading that out loud; a sure test of how well a poem works.
The lines in question are rather a mish-mash of alliteration and erudition, splayed across the poem that up until that point was managing quite nicely on a subtle blend of original turns of phrase and some vivid imagery.
It just seemed out of place - unless I'm missing the point.

Similarly, 'a pusillanimous sun' is quirky but not particularly appropriate. I can think of many better words to convey the sun's behaviour. And 'petty brown farts' although again an original idea tended to jar against the beauty that runs through the rest of the piece. It might raise a laugh, but I'm guessing that's not what you intended.

Nice work though, and thanks for sharing.

H