Dawn Break

[Delta40]

Our love is removed like ice on the windscreen
at minus five degrees.
It is scraped to the rim where it falls as slush
on the tips of our shoes.
I have been so vanilla in life
and I oft spurn cliched melting moments where,
The light at the end of the tunnel dwindles
and it's all downhill from here.
This morning, clouds of sorrow bluster around me
but my chilled solitude is quickly thawed by a V8 engine
headlighting along the pinnacle of my loss.
I pass smouldering watchtowers of stifled luster,
knowing neither of us will dare climb into a lobster cage
as bait and hope to land something better.
At least not during rush hour or hectic weekends.
Secretly, my heart peers across the dark coast,
warming unfulfilled desires like toast.
To the south lies a beacon for the dimmest of dawns
and I stall to behold the distant lambency beyond.
Crashing, foamy waves reveal where I truly stand;
amongst the flotsam dreams of shipwrecked souls.
A lighthouse on the crest highlights footprints
all too soon washed away by the rushing tide.

[Dr.reid_16]

wow that's pretty good, you had a lot of contrast between light and dark. You used many images that paints a picture for the reader effectively, in my opinion well done.

[Delta40]

Thanks Dr Reid!

[MystyrMystyry]

Amazing Delta - looks like there's no stopping you now! :)

[ShadowsCool]

I loved it Delta

[Delta40]

Thanks Shadows. I love writing what I am unable to say!

[everyadventure]

"Warming unfulfilled desires like toast." Ah, a perfect line.

(I prefer my unfulfilled desires with a bit of raspberry jam...)

[Haunted]

So rich in metaphors, so aptly applied.

[kittypaws]

Well for someone writing what they are unable to say....You did a great job! I know what you mean thou about not being able to say....

The imagery was great and I could feel it.

Kudos!

kittypaws

P.S. it must have been the return to Sock Puppet Land! :)

[Delta40]

Thanks Haunted and Kitty.

[Jerrybaldy]

A metaphorical feast even before the toast was served warm :)

[Delta40]

Thanks Jerry.

[Bar22do]

I went through the metaphors like through consecutive veilings, to the place where N "really stands". Thanks from Bar

[Hawkman]

I like this a lot, Delta but dare I suggest:

line 6: "and often spurn..."

Line 11: "headlighting the pinnacle of my loss..."

The imagery is rich and flavoursome.

Live and be well - H

[hillwalker]

This one stood out for me as well - some memorable metaphors stitched into a Delta-esque tapestry...

...but being Mr Picky, I wasn't so fond of lines 7 and 8 - intrusive cliches that add nothing to the piece.

Otherwise, up there with your best.

H

[Delta40]

This one stood out for me as well - some memorable metaphors stitched into a Delta-esque tapestry...

...but being Mr Picky, I wasn't so fond of lines 7 and 8 - intrusive cliches that add nothing to the piece.

Otherwise, up there with your best.

H

Omg! is there no pleasing you? :banghead:
I agree that it is a cliche and that is why it is in there.... (Edited so the cliche becomes a little more contextualized)

I can climb every mountain but not this one Hill!