Lighthouse

[DieterM]

Black blue grey clouds, in shreds,
Above the roar of oceanic wrath,
With breakers chewing hungrily
On glistening stone and land,
In spray curtains and veils of mist

But where the violent war is fought
the hardest, never won nor lost,
You stand, erect and sempiternal,
My stout hero of stone and mortar,
Braving the onslaught, showing the way

You are the rock upon the rock,
The firm rock upon which I build
My church, my faith, my hope, my strength,
Your piercing light-cone guiding me,
Your tower a glimpse of what could be

And all through bitter days and weeks,
Unsheltered in a nutshell barely
Floating on those angry waves,
When washed ashore upon your base,
I come unharmed and feel at home

[everyadventure]

"Unsheltered in a nutshell barely" was particularly wonderful. Might I suggest switching the order of the final two stanzas?

[tailor STATELY]

Enjoyed very much; touches me to the core.

Much like one of the songs of David (2 Samuel 22 (http://lds.org/scriptures/ot/2-sam/22?lang=eng)). Your verse 3 a reminder to what I have embossed on my new journal.

Sincerely,
tailor STATELY

[DieterM]

thx everyadventure for your helpful suggestion, and sorry for answering so late (too much work as people seem to have discovered they'll be on holiday next week and have a last-minute-freak-out-dash to finish unfinished workpieces *sigh*)... indeed something has been bothering me (even thought it was too rythmic - what a jerk I am when I'm tired!) and I guess you're right, I should swap the last two stanzas. Hope I'll find the time to set that right ANd edit the whole thing a bit (I wanted to leave it alone for a while and then re-read it "with new eyes" if you know what I mean)…


Tailor stately, I'm glad I was able to touch you. Would you believe me if I told you that I'm an absolute not-religious person and that the poem was speaking of a human person (could be a lover, a mother, a father, a significant other). Of course the "quoting" from the gospel is on purpose but rather tongue-in-cheek and because it IS one of the most powerful images I know. Yet when I read the poem for the first time after writing it I did find it VERY religious. And was a bit dumbfounded… But anyway, poetry "belongs" to the poet only as long as he/she does not show or publish it; once that step is taken, it "belongs" to the readers, their memories, minds, images…

[IceM]

I think the first line has too much color imagery "black, blue AND grey?" Other than that, I really found this a solid piece. You have a couple misplaced iambs in regards to your meter, but unless you looked for meter, it'd probably be undetectable, which to me is a compliment. Your poetry has the cadence and feel of natural speech. Often meter, especially with poets like myself who struggle to use it, have to contort phrases to place iambs correctly. Here you have some misplaced ones, as I mentioned, but a conversational feel is never lost, which only strengthens my opinion of this piece.

[Delta40]

Very strong poem dieter. One can feel the strength and solidity in the lighthouse/belief and faith