Leaving

[everyadventure]

Certainly my absence would leave a hollowed imprint
like a boot in mud;
a marked emptiness within my children.

My son would awaken from night terrors
to find he'd wet the bed.
He'd hide sodden Superman briefs
in the closet for Daddy to find...

My daughter's curls would riot,
twisting like kudzu and strangling elastics,
swallowing barrettes and the occasional comb...

And the baby
--oh, my baby--
would cling to Daddy's legs,
wiping his snotty nose on trousers
while asking for Mama, Mama, Mama...

But.

It wouldn't take long for life
to rush in like rainwater
filling the depression I left.

[Delta40]

What a gross maternal devaluation you have given here. I suspect this is about self-judgment more than the essentialness of your unique motherlove.

well written though (love the superman briefs)

[Twota]

sad :/ love it though , loved the 1st two lines the most x]

[PrinceMyshkin]

There's NO JUSTIFICATION for that last verse - at least there is none in the poem itself! And of course there's a GLARING OMISSION of whether the children's father would miss the speaker.

[MystyrMystyry]

Ah every - I sense less of controversy, more a feeling of acute dissociation. I get like that sometimes (fair enough - quite often), but yeah, I do not know where you're coming from

[everyadventure]

I have three words for you, Prince: Mail Order Bride.

[Delta40]

I have three words for you, Prince: Mail Order Bride.

You're a MOB gal?

[hallaig]

No offence to royalty, but the Prince is wrong in this case. Last section fits perfectly. Cannae think of much to improve this though on't know about line lengths/endings which seem a bit arbitrary

[everyadventure]

@hallaig: Yeah, I juggled those line breaks quite a bit but they just weren't behaving for me...

[hillwalker]

This must have taken a good bit of self-searching to write.

It's a gut-wrenching picture of your life: 'my life without me' - and there's no self-pity which makes it all the more powerful.

Wow.

H

[DieterM]

Certainly my absence would leave a hollowed imprint
like a boot in mud;
a marked emptiness within my children.

My son would awaken from night terrors
to find he'd wet the bed.
He'd hide sodden Superman briefs
in the closet for Daddy to find...

My daughter's curls would riot,
twisting like kudzu and strangling elastics,
swallowing barrettes and the occasional comb...

And the baby
--oh, my baby--
would cling to Daddy's legs,
wiping his snotty nose on trousers
while asking for Mama, Mama, Mama...

But.

It wouldn't take long for life
to rush in like rainwater
filling the depression I left.

I really loved this very much, and must agree with hillwalker. I found the echo of the beginning (the image of the boot imprint in mud) so perfectly reflected in the rainwater and the "depression I left"… Sad, brave, a bit above things, a bit like those David-Leavitt-short stories where he deals with women/young mothers undergoing cancer therapy: never weepy, always open-eyed, yet almost too much to bear… Wonderful piece, every...

[Haunted]

I really love the little details that make the poem all so much more real and painful, this in particular:

My daughter's curls would riot,
twisting like kudzu and strangling elastics,
swallowing barrettes and the occasional comb...

This is about a mail order bride? I thought it's post partum on first read. The boot and depression are separated not only by so many words/stanzas but also details, I missed the connection. I guess I just can't see you in boots! But now I know it's rreally a wonderful and poignant image.

[Jerrybaldy]

Liked your closing stanza the most

[everyadventure]

Ha, no, I've confused everyone. Prince asked how the husband would feel about the wife leaving, and I meant the husband would get a mail order bride and be just fine.

[Haunted]

lol it's my fault, I didn't read the comments closely, these days I keep spacing out.