Please Read?

[bethany_sarah]

Hey, this is something that I only started yesterday and haven't done much work on. I would really like some feedback....

"I'm sick of being miserable,
I'm sick of being sad,
I'm sick of haunting memories,
Of happiness I had.

I miss your little jokes,
I miss not knowing what I'd find,
I miss our perfect silences,
The way you read my mind.

I hate that little divided us,
I hate my interfering pride,
I hate your quiet callousness
And the fact that now I hide.

I wish that tomorrow will be better
I wish that everything was great
I wish our friendship could be saved,
I wish for no more hate."

[YesNo]

I think periods would work better than commas at the end of some of the lines. On line 9, I think "that" should be "what". I didn't understand line 9: what fact was hidden? Line 10 could be made a bit shorter.

Overall, I liked the rhyme and you seemed to use correct meter, but I don't know what caused the problem between the two of you and that might be interesting to explore.

[bethany_sarah]

I've changed the word 'interfering' to meddling and it seems to flow better. Thanks a lot for your help, I haven't wrote a poem in years and this one was quite interesting to try. Many Thanks, B.