Chaos

[Dr.reid_16]

Please let me know what you think of my poem, im new to poetry and can use advice!

Forests erupt,
the moon is silenced,
chaos breaks out,
and sense is drowned.

Beginning ends,
end begins,
confusion is born,
questions live,
answers cease to exist.

Sanctuary is sought,
but never found,
a million screaming voices,
people murdered,
humanity has cracked.

Chaos we enter,
peace we desire,
yet we continue to fight.
Chaos, we shall not escape,
and it's all over for us.

[hillwalker]

If you're after advice (and have a relatively thick skin) -

1 - I would advise you to narrow your focus to one or two pertinent points.
What is this particular poem supposed to be about? There are so many unrelated images that most readers are not going to be able to make much sense of it -

Forests -the moon -chaos - Beginning -confusion -questions -Sanctuary - screaming voices - humanity

it's a list of random images that appear to have nothing in common.
I get your message that humanity is doomed because man is self-destructive - but where do the forest and moon fit in?

2 - look for something original to say. It's your job to show the reader something he thinks he already knows - then shed fresh light on it.

Most of this poem is unfortunately a mish-mash of confused cliches and garbled paradoxes -

Beginning ends/end begins - questions live/answers cease to exist -Sanctuary is sought/but never found,

All of the above has been recycled a million times in numerous poems and songs - it might sound profound but it tells us nothing.

3 - identify what you are trying to express then don't let your attention wander. Be concise - make every word matter.
I actually think the poem would read better without that final verse (and especially that closing line).

4 - and the best advice of all - don't give up - read other poetry on here and learn from others' mistakes (as well as getting a better feel for what constitutes poetry).

You've had the courage to post your first piece on here. You just need to rely less on stuff you may have heard or read elsewhere and find your own 'voice'.

Good luck

H

[everyadventure]

As someone new to poetry, you aren't so far off track. The first thing that threw me off was the moon being "silenced." How can something that is by nature MUTE be silenced? And the line "beginning ends:" would you really consider all humanity, all history, eons of existence, a "beginning?" But I did like your next line, "end begins," and suggest you start the stanza with that one.

I liked the line "humanity has cracked" and feel it's a powerful one; perhaps you can rework the poem to end on that line? Let's see what you can do!