In Ein Gheddi

[Bar22do]

Morning In Ein Gedi
for Elakim

A spicy mist of heat, amassed by night,
beads upon the lawns; here,
green bee-eaters sip, before
they fly back to the pockets in the cliff.

Silence recedes from waking baobabs,
cacti and acacias. I touch the yellow light
on the window glass, the sun
meets my eyes with her hot hand
and my soul bends and curls,
like twisting tendrils of wild-vine.

[PrinceMyshkin]

There is something wonderfully intricate, interconnected between the observer and the nature she seems to become at one with.

[hallaig]

Like it, though not sure about your image of the sun 'shielding your eyes'. Feel your soul shouldn't be 'writhing about 'either. Good sensual observation, though.

[Jack of Hearts]

my soul writhes about
in delight, like twisting tendrils of wildvine.

Too much quality output on this forum in too little time. This reader's circuitry has been fried.

The only thing this reader had a hard time following was the bit about the sun shielding the narrator's eyes. It seems like it should be the other way around?




J

[Bar22do]

Thanks Prince, hallaig and Jack for your words. The sun "shields" N's eyes, not the opposite though perhaps the word is not the best chosen. Do you have a suggestion, hallaig? (and perhaps "contort" instead of "writhe"??.. but I liked the sound...)

[AuntShecky]

So much imagery --specific images, at that!--in just a few
short lines about an idyllic oasis. Really marvelous.

But the closing lines stand out even more prominently:

and as the yellow sun shields my eyes
with her hot hand, my soul writhes about
in delight, like twisting tendrils of wildvine

Turning around the usual reaction to strong sunlight makes us look at the world in a whole different "light" (no pun intended.) This is exactly what the best poetry aspires to do.

Brava, dear Bar!

[Bar22do]

Thank you for your kind comment, Auntie, and for taking your time!

[Haunted]

such a nice narrative of nature...

[MystyrMystyry]

I get the feeling that sound-wise baobabs should be first in the list

I like!

[Bar22do]

I get the feeling that sound-wise baobabs should be first in the list

I like!

Thanks for reading, MM, glad you like it. I'll train my ear to baobabs first and if it works I'll definitely adopt your suggestion! Best from Bar

[Bar22do]

ah, and many thanks haunted!!