smashed by the greats

[Mojtaba-Iraqi]

hi
this is a simple reflection of what is going on here in Iraq, and what the politicians are doing, and some who claim to be religious.
ur comments are important for me.

Come and laugh at our fate
We lost our hope in a cup
Of tea and sugar of hate
To drink the loss and gulp

We sank in maze when we lost
Our shoe among the herd
Of those who promise in flight
On earth, they give up and elude

Don’t blame! For life is a doubt
From sky away, or from me?
I think Satan was right
And Adam was crude and free

We dyed Pharaoh’s slogans
And Moses splited the sea
With the remains of our deads to pass
The calf with bloods and flee

We built their palace and smile
They may feed us and let to sleep
Or give life to heal
Our minds and fix their whip

We live as blinds, but breathe
Don’t ask for what, that’s rude!
Their gift is to lodge beneath
The time, the pain or crowd

I live in a coffin as a skin
I walk freely, but chained
I think, but conclude none
My sin is breathing their wind

We live to see the Time
That won’t come since it waits
Behind the door of freedom
Alas! The key is sunk in loss

[Mojtaba-Iraqi]

oh thank u somebody for ur comment!!

[Jerrybaldy]

Hi Motjaba
you opened up with it being a simple reflection. This wasn't the case, which may have led to the lack of response. To me it was impenetrable rhetoric except for a desperation and a hopelessness that did find its way through. To over simplify, it needed a hook.
JB

[Mojtaba-Iraqi]

thank u jerry, but do u mean that the parts of the poem dont have cohesion nor coherence?... would u highlight the weak points plz? thanx