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monkilok
06-15-2011, 11:25 AM
http://readparanoia.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/background_readparanoia_small.jpg?w=450&h=336

My name is Plamen Chetelyazov and sometimes I am so happy – like an innocent kid watching snowstorm from a frosted window. Unfortunately Plovdiv is a southern town. The snowstorms here are not common. Even if some snowflakes make it through the global warming censorship, they usually are tatty, grey and almost immediately turn into muddy and sticky slush. Oh yeah – I am from Plovdiv. This is in Bulgaria – until recently communist and now pseudo capitalist country in Southern Europe. In the nineties my country pasted the American ‘Wild west’ society within our borders and because we are progressive, we combined it with the ‘Great depression’. Of course, we do have unique history, nature, minds and stuff – just like everyone else. However I must say that Plovdiv really is a beautiful place – with magnificent spring, 6 hills, big river, many ancient ruins and lots of legendary bohemians. I have bachelor`s degree in Social and cultural economics from UNWE Sofia and master degree in Media Communication (journalism, advertising and PR) from the university of Plovdiv. The first edition of “Paranoia” was published in Bulgarian language by “LiterNet” in 2007. The publication of the prose was an impulse for emancipation from a rough style, turning it into something else and probably something no less crude. “Paranoia” is not a piece of great literature but it is a revelation.I believe that the real challenge is to extract the true revelation through complete honesty. Therefore I am obliged to mention that the text is naive and heavy, inspired by the primary vanity, some cliched depressions and conscious complexes. But it is true, an elemental truth deeply profound for the Bulgarian society. See – Bulgaria is a country with deep inferiority complex. The average Bulgarian guy is a lazy and unemployed hater dreaming about a Mercedes and an original Adidas track suit. The average Bulgarian chick is an unemployed hypocrite dreaming about a gorilla that wears original Adidas tracksuit and drives Mercedes. Therefore I have decided to translate the novel in search for understanding and sympathy. Here comes another problem – my English is terrible. Feel free to repair it, give me your grammar recommendations and comment with your thoughts about the emotions that drive me. Thank you!

hillwalker
06-15-2011, 11:59 AM
Much as I would like to offer a few crumbs of advice, expecting anyone to read an entire novel and then submit feedback is asking a bit too much.

It might be more productive if you posted a single chapter in the Short Story thread and see what response you get.

H

monkilok
06-15-2011, 12:27 PM
I guess it really is a bit too much. I will follow your advice - thanks!

Jack of Hearts
06-17-2011, 05:04 PM
Well it's certainly not as long as hillwalker would make it seem. But the english translation is rough going.







J

monkilok
06-21-2011, 09:03 AM
Awfully rough, I know and I am so sorry. I am trying to improve it...

Jack of Hearts
06-21-2011, 09:45 PM
There's no reason to be sorry. It seems rather courageous to undertake a translation on your own. And of course there's a lot to be said for learning another language and being as proficient in it as you are.







J

monkilok
06-23-2011, 06:16 AM
Thanks for the good words Jack of Hearts!

libernaut
06-26-2011, 10:18 PM
i only read the first chapter so far, but it seems like a great story. there are a few subtle grammar things that could be improved but its not bad. good job.

monkilok
06-28-2011, 09:58 AM
Thank you for the encouraging reply Libernaut. I am so glad that the beginning of “Paranoia” provokes you! I really hope that my next cahpters will not disappoint you!

By the way if you message me these subtle grammar things I will gladly correct the text. But please do not think that I am ungrateful and selfish person! I know that you are not my editor or publisher. I know I do not have the right to ask anyone to take care of my novel.

Again – thank you for your interest and tolerance!

libernaut
07-20-2011, 01:34 AM
It basically says that despite all liposuctions of the Bulgarian pop-folk stars, every single second their early aged, because of the vanity and the sex amortization, bodies grow by thousands of miles in space.
Double check your grammar here and what you are trying to say. If i knew the original language it was written in i could help you much further.


Of course they can not detect this growth despite spending hours in front of the mirror, wandering what clothes and cosmetics can hide the cellulite`s furrows exposing their faded butts.
did you mean to use the word "wandering" or did you intend "wondering" both work i suppose.

These are just two examples but its small stuff. I'm sure if you just re read it sentence by sentence observing every word and all the grammar in it you'd master it. It is really a short novella. And it's not bad from what i've read. I really enjoy the tone and feel it has a lot to say. I really hope you find success.

libernaut
07-20-2011, 01:51 AM
man that **** is funny, i just read your "about the novel" section. hahaha. Man, that's kinda ****ed up ey? Hows bulgaria treating you these days anyways?

libernaut
07-20-2011, 02:14 AM
I am staring at the unattainable domes, where the lone pigeons flutters their wings.

Consider this sentence. What are you trying to say? How many pigeons are there?

1 Pigeon, flutters its wings
2 or more, flutter their wings

seeing "lone" would typically mean one, but you could mean a lone flock or something. i dunno. just throwing it out there.

don't ask me why but that's the rule