Worn Shoes

[kittypaws]

I stare down
At two worn shoes
And the floor between them.

And wonder…..

I roll my ankles to see much tread
This journey is far from an end.
Many miles of years have traveled here
And what is there?

I can feel moisture
Trickle down
Inside my nose
As I continue to stare.
Plop goes a nose tear
amid my weary souls.

I know I need to look ahead
But my focus is stuck.

On two worn shoes
The floor;
And a nose drop.

kittypaws

[MystyrMystyry]

Funny Kitty - did you intentionally mispell weary souls? It almost worked if you had, but you didn't explore further meaning, therefore I guess you mispelt it accidentally

Still funny

[kittypaws]

no Mystry...I did not misspell it....this write may come off as a light write but what is behind it is much deeper.

but I am thankful you took the time to read and comment!

kittypaws

[hillwalker]

I'm not sure that the second stanza works.

I gathered at the start that you were standing in one spot staring at the ground, so I'm not sure where 'this journey' comes in - and the 3rd line doesn't make a great deal of sense - nor does the question that follows.

But then you manage to get on track with the rest of the poem.

H

[Haunted]

Kitty, it's a fine poem, from the worn shoes to the space between the feet and the formation of the nose drop and the drop itself, it's vivid and effective. But I would stay clear of cliches like journeys and weary souls. It's vague and inconsistent with the precise journey of the nose drop. Tighten it up and maybe then you can avoid the problems that Hill pointed out.

[zoolane]

I stare down
At two worn shoes
And the floor between them.

And wonder…..

I roll my ankles to see much tread
This journey is far from an end.
Many miles of years have traveled here
And what is there?

I can feel moisture
Trickle down
Inside my nose
As I continue to stare.
Plop goes a nose tear
amid my weary souls.

I know I need to look ahead
But my focus is stuck.

On two worn shoes
The floor;
And a nose drop.

kittypaws

I like all but I can see where Hill is comes from 2nd stanazs but favourite line is:Many miles of years have traveled here

[kittypaws]

As written...




I stare down
At two worn shoes
And the floor between them.

And wonder…..

I roll my ankles to see much tread
This journey is far from an end.
Many miles of years have traveled here
And what is there?

where my head is with the second stanza is that I realize I still have a long way to go (in life, the journey)

I am frustrated as I am not where I want to be therefore the question...what is there?

If I am mixing thoughts that I don't realize the reader sees. please tell me. I write what I feel.

Hill and Haunted....thank you!

[hillwalker]

It's the concept of 'many miles of years' travelling - I just can't make sense of that line the way it's written.

What are 'miles of years' and how do miles travel - it's you who has travelled many miles for many years I'm guessing, not the miles themselves.

And as Haunted says, it's not a logical jump from staring at the space between your feet and contemplating the dripping nose to thinking about your journey through life. There's no connection that the reader is able to make from what you have given us to work with. If you were looking at the soles of your shoes and studying how the tread has worn away then perhaps one might make the leap.

Does any of this make sense? :-)

H

[blank|verse]

This reminded me of My Shoes by Charles Simic (http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/171684), kitty.

Personally, I rather liked the 'miles of years' and don't have a problem with it as a metaphor.

I think I'd lose line 4; it's clear the narrator is contemplating her shoes, so the reader doesn't need to be told this so directly.