Late Night Saints

[_Shannon_]

Late Night Saints

There lives in each of us a private terror,
which drives us through the rain
to a truck stop or a corner bar
on some pot-holed highway
on the edge of a broken-down town,
where bravery is bought and sold,
bargained for in dingy bathrooms
or at the bottom of many bottles.

We walk through the night
with creatures just like us,
holding our fear in silent camaraderie,
pretending everything's alright,
that our laughter is enough to carry us
through construction zones and
all night diners, where we steal
courage to proclaim our angelic visions
in the early morning hours.

Under bugs trapped in fluorescent lights,
while spray-tanned girls in high heeled shoes
giggle in the back booth at their imagined rebellion,
our pauses and gaps and omissions
confessed only in drunkenness,
when most of the world is sleeping,
tell the real story of who we are,
and who we are too afraid to be.

[hillwalker]

Loved this - a brilliantly painted portrait of the rather sleazy side of night life where a certain underclass inhabits a perpetual twilight zone of loss and despair.

I thought there were rather two many 'some's in verse 1 Lines 4 and 5 - do we really need 'somewhere'? Just a thought...

H

[_Shannon_]

Thanks! Hmm..I'll play around with it and see...
changed it...better??

[hillwalker]

yeh - 2 'some's was actually fine, but the 3rd a bit too much.

H :-)

[Jerrybaldy]

I too loved this twilight world where we expose our true nature.

[PrinceMyshkin]

There is a hard-driving rhythm in the first two lines (I might even say a Brechtian rhythm) that established for me an expectation that the rest of this did not sustain and came to feel, instead, like the clucking of some itinerant preacher.

[everyadventure]

Boo, Prince, boo! I did not feel that the tone of this poem was at all "preachy." I felt it was inclusive, not judgmental. We are all walking in the dark, pretending; we are all afraid, but there's some small comfort in knowing everybody else feels just as lost and alone...

I thought it was wonderfully relatable and beautifully worded.

[_Shannon_]

There is a hard-driving rhythm in the first two lines (I might even say a Brechtian rhythm) that established for me an expectation that the rest of this did not sustain and came to feel, instead, like the clucking of some itinerant preacher.

Yeah...the rhythm is all over the freaking place. It's not very tight, I agree...lol but neither was that night....lol. It's definite;y not the best thing I've ever written, and I might could save it a little....but it all kind of breaks my heart so I'll have to set it down for a day or two and come back to it.

[Hawkman]

I'm a little confused by the title as the tone of the poem might indicate it's about sinners rather than saints. Do saints live in terror or does their faith make them fearless? Nevertheless, I think its a good poem, although I'd consider re-arranging the last three lines:

"confessed only in drunkenness,
tell the real story of who we are
and who we are too afraid to be,
when most of the world is sleeping."

Which I think is a stronger ending. Just a thought.

Live and be well - H

[jajdude]

Wonderful writing. I liked it. Now I have to write something not as good.

[_Shannon_]

I'm a little confused by the title as the tone of the poem might indicate it's about sinners rather than saints. Do saints live in terror or does their faith make them fearless? Nevertheless, I think its a good poem, although I'd consider re-arranging the last three lines:

"confessed only in drunkenness,
tell the real story of who we are
and who we are too afraid to be,
when most of the world is sleeping."

Which I think is a stronger ending. Just a thought.

Live and be well - H

Think Kerouacian saints, and perhaps that makes more sense??

I like that ending. I am gonna sit with it for a little and see what I think...my only issue with it that way though is that "we" are not too afraid to be those people while most of the world is sleeping....does that make sense??

[_Shannon_]

I was giggling a little more at your comment my dear Prince...because you've probably spot on pegged it...I wrote this the morning after watching Howl. LOLOLOL!

[everyadventure]

Don't change the ending! I am going to stand directly in front of this poem with a pointy stick, and whoever tries to change it will get a jab in the eye! ;)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Don't change the ending! I am going to stand directly in front of this poem with a pointy stick, and whoever tries to change it will get a jab in the eye! ;)

Talk about pointed criticism!

[Hawkman]

Think Kerouacian saints, and perhaps that makes more sense??

I like that ending. I am gonna sit with it for a little and see what I think...my only issue with it that way though is that "we" are not too afraid to be those people while most of the world is sleeping....does that make sense??

No, I don't think so, it says exactly what you had already said but in a more logical order, in that the subordinate clause isn't divided. but it's only a suggestion and it's your poem :)

Live and be well - H

[everyadventure]

Poke, poke!!

[Jerrybaldy]

Hello... police? Yeah. We have a red head here with funny shoes threatening poets with a pointy stick. She means business. She is going for the eyes.

[everyadventure]

Wait just a cotton-pickin' minute here! My shoes are NOT funny!!

[_Shannon_]

Who knew this poem would incite such violence?? LOLOL

EA,,put the stick down. At least quit pointing it at people. And let's all step over to the dive bar (which totally ought to be a chit-chat thread name) and have a drink. We might not work it out, but at least we'll be drinking. LOL.