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Jack of Hearts
06-11-2011, 04:02 AM
Jim in Pieces




The repetition is just so nauseating. We’re talking about a deeply troubled man here- a man whose morals were not inscrutable, to say the least. But, being his leading biographer (at one point, anyways- I’m retired now. I could take no more when interest renewed ) there’s kind of a social duty I’ve got to fulfill.

Just please don’t ask me about the sex letters.

The interesting bit that most people don’t know (but they soon will, Christ I get asked to tell the story so much) is that he did all of his significant writing between the ages of twenty-five and thirty. Then, like some Supergiant star collapsing in on itself, he folded altogether. Even though he lived to be seventy-three years old MacCradle never wrote so much as half of a short story for the rest of his life.

You might be wondering how we know all of this. Well, Nira Zimmer. Ms. Zimmer kept a diary. That’s one of the primary sources of this man’s history. There’s even some photographs of them together clipped to the pages. He was nearly six feet tall, flat-footed and sort of resembled a dying tree. She was about five-two, a classically trained dancer- she kind of looks like a deer, I always thought. No two people belonged further apart (especially considering MacCradle’s horrifically anti-semitic ancestry).

Ok, the story of how James MacCradle and his work nearly went unnoticed. To start at the beginning, Nira was still something of a starving artist (she was a working actress but Tell Me Lies hadn’t opened yet). MacCradle was trying to write poetry, which surprised even me at first. Nira’s records, which are quite well-written in themselves, offer the only extant fragments of his poems.

Here’s the gist of an entry in her diary.


*****

A pen found its way between her teeth and as she read she chewed slightly. She had brown eyes. They flicked over the lines like an old-fashioned type-writer. He watched the pen lull between her lips, watched it caress the moist, gentle folds…

It started as something of a cough, or the gesture of clearing a throat. Moments later came a sneaky giggle. Finally she couldn’t help herself and Nira started laughing.

“I’m sorry...” Nira propped her elbows on the table and hid her face behind the paper, “but it’s just so… like, I can’t believe you would show this to anybody.”

“What?”

“Seriously, though, what are you doing? Have you ever read a poem in your life?”

“Yeah, a couple in school…” he mumbled.

She adjusted her thick-framed glasses. “ Well it’s not very good, James. “

“What’s wrong with it?’

“You just don’t seem like a poet to me.”

“… well what do I seem like to you?”

She peered at him over her rims. “Mmmmm... I mean this,” she looked at the paper and started laughing again, “… this is bad. I mean, what is this? I can’t even-“

“Jesus, is it really that-“

“Seriously, though!” she giggled a little more and a brunette strand fell down over her forehead. He felt his pulse quicken. “Go home, write some prose,” Nira offered as she began to tidy herself. MacCradle watched her smooth her hands over her skirt , the curves underneath… watched her flick her tongue while she adjusted her hair…

He shifted himself and cleared his throat, “Hey…”

“Yeah?”

In undertone, like a secret, “… wanna screw?”

She drew in a breath between her teeth; a wincing hiss escaped. “Like, with you? I mean, I would but… well, maybe if you were a little more in shape. And your face wasn’t so… much like it is. And you weren’t so insecure.” She fluttered her eyelashes as a final thought came to her. “No I do not.”

“Oh.” MacCradle’s facial features drooped a bit. Then he looked up, an eager spark in his eyes, “ Hey, if I write something will you read it?”

“Not if it’s more poetry.”

She got up and picked up the pages from the table, “I’m just gonna put these away.” It was a vague movement, a moment of absent mindedness; Nira walked across the kitchen to the trash can and thrust the papers under the lid. In an airy tone she said, “That’s better. All clean now.”


*****

Seems the entry was written maybe hours after he had left. Based on the penmanship (which is normally ornate, she had fabulous handwriting) one might guess that while she was reflecting upon his poetry Nira was still laughing.

Ah, here’s a picture… as you can see, James wasn’t a hideous man. Perhaps a little too pointy in the features, but almost anybody who sees this picture (from when he was about 26) seems to have the same visceral reaction. They cannot place it until I help them to articulate. MacCradle, for lack of a better word, was flabby. Not so obese that one might be repelled, but just fluffy enough to make the onlooker offended, make a person have the thought, “Why don’t you take care of that, you flabby bastard.” Indeed, MacCradle looked like what my father would describe as a rope with a knot tied in the middle. We tend to be less disgusted with his chunkiness and moreso with the lack of initiative it sprang from.

But I digress. It was an important turning point in an important career. From this point on, he began to write prose. As he wrote alone, you might be wondering how much insight we have into his process. There’s still a lot of secrets surrounding the saga, but one of the biggest is this: MacCradle kept records of his own. Not consistently, mind you, and most of them look like a bottle of scotch spilled everywhere and was left to soak (indeed, many are illegible)… but some of what we can read is… well, if not entirely informative then curiously disturbing; James MacCradle was a lecherous drunk who, in in the pursuit of tail, managed to produce literature as intricate and beautiful as catherdral windows.

Delta40
06-11-2011, 04:09 AM
So mundane in its everydayness and yet life changing also. You really capture this well JoH and I'm expecting the development of you as the biographer to continuee (I hope) because right now he could be teetering on a corner with a bottle of JB in his hand....

Hawkman
06-11-2011, 05:48 AM
Hi Jack. This is an interesting piece of writing and a good idea, but it is rather a strange read. Stylistically I feel there are too many parenthesised digressions which stall the introduction. The device of the diary entry written in third person narrative isn't believable as a diary entry. Most people wouldn't refer to themselves this way. It's not that it's badly written as a description of a scene, just that the way it's introduced throws the reader so they don't know whether the diary entry has been omitted, as we find ourselves as disinterested observers in some kind of flashback.

This leads one to wonder if the initial narrator is in fact McCradle writing about himself. The introduction does not make this impossible, he is refered to as having lived to be 73, but not as having died. However, the switches between 1st and 3rd person narrative, merely confuse.

Live long and prosper - H

Panglossian
06-11-2011, 07:14 AM
I enjoyed this, though it did throw up questions as to who the authorial voice is, and what connection he/she has to the two people concerned. For instance, why was the diary entry so fictionalized? Somewhat confusing, but interesting nonetheless.

Buh4Bee
06-11-2011, 11:16 AM
I guess I am going to post my usual response to a piece like this. It doesn't feel finished. The piece doesn't explain parts found at the very beginning of the story yet. What about the sex letters or the fact that he turns into a degenerate? There is so much to learn about this character.

Personally, I liked the narrator's voice. It was so on target that it was almost cliche. A good reader for a Saturday morning. Loved Nira.

hillwalker
06-11-2011, 11:43 AM
I assumed the narrator was the writer's biographer - and being all-knowing all-seeing the narrator is able to give information normally unavailable or unrecorded by conventional methods; fleshing out the introduction to what begs to become a much longer piece of writing.

I'm not sure how much of MacCradle is the narrator's alter-ego - he certainly comes across as a first-rate lech and a second-rate writer - in which case are we witnessing a touch of self-deprecation or wish fulfillment at work?

H

AuntShecky
06-21-2011, 05:22 PM
We've had scores of celebrated writers who had just one book in him (or her) but that lonely work was enough to establish the stellar reputation. Harper Lee and Margaret Mitchell are the two that immediately come to mind.
So the fact that your subject quit writing is unusual, but
not unknown.

I agree w. previous commentators over the confusing POV
in the "Nira" section. The introduction is okay, but the narrator doesn't sound exactly like a professional biographer, at least not a scholar. He wouldn't, I don't think, write "There's" instead of "There are. . .some photographs." He might say "sorta" in his everyday speech, but wouldn't write it. He would also capitalize the
"S" in anti-Semitic. But this isn't dismissing this narrator out of hand--

--because in the third section he "sounds" great. Instead of a Bernard de Voto, he's more of a Larry King, or maybe a cameo interview by a Hollywood type you'd see in between the movies on AMC. The voice in the concluding section is very vibrant, entertaining, and intriguing.

So, for the most part, this piece is salvageable and with the right amount of revision/tinkering might turn out to be just swell.

Jack of Hearts
12-10-2011, 05:01 AM
delete

hillwalker
12-10-2011, 06:32 AM
This second piece is quite an astonishing read. The timeframe is turned on its head but the story still makes sense. I thought the jelly bean scene was the strongest because we actually get to feel the mounting horror as the mother realises what is about to happen.

Is that it? or is this a work in progress that will lead to a much longer piece? It certainly has potential for expansion.

H

AuntShecky
12-14-2011, 04:08 PM
Where is the second part? Will it return?

Steven Hunley
12-17-2011, 12:24 AM
This was an interesting piece but now I regret the "missing" second piece. The second section about Nira was great dilaogue and so natural. So maybe it takes some more work, some bits of stories work out well and lead to bigger and better things, while others prove to lead only to blind alleys. I've had my share of those too. Fear not, your pen had plenty of ink left yet, I'm sure of it.

Jack of Hearts
12-17-2011, 12:30 AM
It seems as though this reader didn't back it up properly before he took it down. It really is gone, unless anyone has an email alert for this thread that contains it.







J

DocHeart
12-21-2011, 02:53 PM
It seems as though this reader didn't back it up properly before he took it down. It really is gone, unless anyone has an email alert for this thread that contains it.







J

Bumping this. Does anyone have an email alert with the second part? I (and many others, I'm sure) would love to read it.

I second all of the points made by other commentators. But I would like for a moment to forget the fact that the diary entry doesn't read like a diary entry and focus on this small bit instead:


“You just don’t seem like a poet to me.”

“… well what do I seem like to you?”

She peered at him over her rims. “Mmmmm... I mean this,” she looked at the paper and started laughing again, “… this is bad. I mean, what is this? I can’t even-“

“Jesus, is it really that-“

“Seriously, though!” she giggled a little more and a brunette strand fell down over her forehead. He felt his pulse quicken. “Go home, write some prose,” Nira offered as she began to tidy herself. MacCradle watched her smooth her hands over her skirt , the curves underneath… watched her flick her tongue while she adjusted her hair…

He shifted himself and cleared his throat, “Hey…”

“Yeah?”

In undertone, like a secret, “… wanna screw?”

She drew in a breath between her teeth; a wincing hiss escaped. “Like, with you? I mean, I would but… well, maybe if you were a little more in shape. And your face wasn’t so… much like it is. And you weren’t so insecure.” She fluttered her eyelashes as a final thought came to her. “No I do not.”


I love it. The pace of the dialogue, the bits of narrative that flesh it out, even the points where the speakers stop or hesitate -- all very finely put together. I read it a couple of times, and will study it carefully again. I'm not that great at analysing technique, but I'll give this one a shot. I hope, at the end of it, that some of the craftsmanship will rub off.

Best regards,
DH

Jack of Hearts
03-21-2012, 06:26 AM
Ah, here it is. Here’s what I wanted to show you. Excuse me, for a moment.

Several years ago, some Jane Goodall types wanted to experiment with chimpanzees. In one particular experiment, regarding the nature of art and whether or not only humans can craft it, they gave the chimpanzees some art supplies. Now, look at this drawing in crayon…

This is not the product of those experiments. This was drawn by James MacCradle, age approximately ten years old. You don’t have to be a child psychologist to recognize this ‘art project’ is far to the left on the bell curve- allegedly, just like MacCradle’s IQ. It would be easy to think he had a developmental disability, but no such luck for posterity or MacCradle. He had a great mother who had him tested for that. The medical records have been disclosed to the public. MacCradle, to put it bluntly, was a really stupid kid. But his mother’s genuine and concerned love compensated for his shortcomings.


*****

“Where ya be easy skankin’, chil’?”

Her voice came billowing down the hallway. His whole body froze. The kitchen became cavernous; large, resounding and yet no escape. Jimmy watched the corridor with fear in his eyes.

“I say where ya be, ye dern meddlesome young’un!”

Her girth rounded the corner and filled the hallway. Her dreadlocks, tied back over her head, nearly brushed the low ceiling.

“Why for ya no answer, chil’? Mama gon’ be givin’ ya a whoopin’, then?”

Mama’s eyes, like an eagle’s. Next to the messy haired boy, on the kitchen counter, was an open jar of jellybeans. It was half empty. Mama’s eagle eyes widened. Jimmy’s cheeks bulged out like a squirrell preparing for winter.

He looked up at her apologetically. After a moment, she said with slow wonder, “… How is it ya be plannin’ ta swallow all dat, Jimmy?”

And he shrugged as his eyes begin to well up.

“Shhh, no, no. Mama’s here.” As though a timebomb were strapped to his chest, she approached cautiously.“ Now, it be stuck on all sides in dere?”

Quiet tears begin to roll and he nodded.

“Shhh, no, no. No cry, Jimmy. Jus’, whatever ya do, don’ swallow…”

Like clockwork, Jimmy tried to swallow. The flesh around his neck rescinded as he began flailing about and gasping for air. Mama charged forward and lifted him up by the scruff of the shirt, onto the kitchen sink. Her blows were precise. Mama beat Jimmy like a dirty rug. He coughed and the sugary, sticky lump in his throat shifted. Mama beat Jimmy like a one legged man in a gunny sack race. The large mass of partly masticated jelly-beans flew into the kitchen window and stuck; a black, gooey ball that unceremoniously began to slide downward toward the pane, leaving a green snail trail behind. Mama and Jimmy, disbelief on their faces, stared at it while they regained their breath.

When she was content to feel his breathing in her arms, holding him over the sink, Mama kissed his head. “An’ this, Jimmy, is Mama prayin’ god ya get some good sense in ya head or a good woman like Mama ta take care of ya.”

And she lifted him up to reach his rear end, and Mama beat Jimmy like a Phil Collins solo.

Even at that young age, even though the whoopin’ hurt, little Jimmy knew Mama was right- and he also knew that he had no choice, because ‘good sense’ was mostly out of the question.


*****

I suppose I should explain something. MacCradle was orphaned and subsequently adopted by a Jamaican immigrant named Maisie Johnstone. Here’s a picture of her- not a small woman by any means, but there’s a maternal strength resonating out of that stature. She came to this country virtually penniless. We don’t have anything really useful in terms of her vital records- no birth certificate, nothing like that- but there are a few ledgers. It seems that by the time MacCradle was enrolled in and flunking out of college, Maisie was acquiring a significant amount of personal wealth.

The story of how she came into guardianship over baby Jimmy is apocryphal at best.

AuntShecky
03-22-2012, 03:00 PM
The first and third paragraphs framing this section are, I take it, the words of the biographer. Am I right?

The middle part --the "fictional" part of this piece of fiction-- was written by James, correct? If so, poor James, because this particular passage doesn't strike me as particularly "intricate" nor "beautiful." The slice of life part, such as forcing out the partially masticated jelly beans rings true, but the dialogue is simply god-awful. It doesn't sound to me like any known dialect of English, let alone the litting tones and rhythms of Jamaican speech. So I'm wondering about the astuteness of the biographer's assessment of the subject's talent. That might be the narrator's (Jack's, I mean) intention.

In any event, "Jim in Pieces" is beginning to display subtle shades of meaning and thus is intriguing. We're getting Rashomon-style points of view.

Jack of Hearts
01-14-2014, 03:08 AM
“Excuse me, miss...”

Maisie, having just got off of swing swift and still wearing medical scrubs, looked up from the Pennysaver she was reading on the bus stop bench. It was a young white woman, fidgeting her tennis shoe on the opposite edge. The laces where undone and she was clumsily trying to reach them. In her arms: a grocery bag, a purse and a child.

She lightly thrust her load, indiscriminately, take any one or all, at Maisie. “Er... would you mind?”

Maisie put down the Pennysaver and received the grocery bag and the child into her embrace. They sat in heavy balance in her lap.

“Thanks,” the woman said. She quickly tied her laces. And then, with a sprinter’s start, she was gone.

Maisie watched her race down the block, stumble a little on uneven concrete, and hang a left onto the next the street. After a moment, Maisie looked around, and then called out, “H-hey...”


*****

Well, you can believe whatever you want. But I am a scholar, and not given to such conclusions taken on lack of precedent.


*****

Jimmy, in his mother’s kitchen, with great interest, poked at his finger tip with the edge of a knife. “Ow,” he said dully, slowly poking himself again.

In front of where he stood on the step stool, the full sink and dirty dishwater. There was still half the basin to be done, but first he had taken to staring at the tree branches in the late afternoon sunshine. Then he had found the knife, and boy had he.

“Ow,” he said, holding his finger 6 inches in front of his face while bringing the knife to it like a ship slowly docking. The crystalline contrast, the precise edges of the metal... and the window seal and the green tree leaves out of focus in the background... and the lull of a far off lawn mower.

But he did look over, eventually. Because he heard singing. Jimmy looked over the edge of the window—his mother’s apartment was on the second story—down into the grassy space below.

On the grass, doing something close to pirouettes, the slender body of a girl his own age; 10 or so. The length and angles of her limbs made her resemble a baby deer more than a dancer. She was tan and earthy, and couldn’t cooridinate the movements until the last moment when she started spinning.

Jimmy watched her with great interest. The sun shone over her, just like it did the leaves, and she was so brown and golden. He swallowed hard. The mere act of swallowing, it seemed to him, caused her to take notice. She looked up ferociously, with large deer eyes underscored by freckles. The gentle affectation of a slow, calm blink combined with the momentum of her lifting her head was enough to send Jimmy tumbling from the stool. He landed square on his back against the kitchen floor, the knife fishtailing like a stuck arrow into the tile only an inch to the right of his head.

He sat up and unstuck it, stood up, and then dropped it into the sink. And slowly, with caution, Jimmy squeezed against the sink, sans foot stool, stretched his body to just peer over, to just sneak a peek. His grip on the slick counter was challenged even further by soapy water. But, hoisting himself, he did reach over. Yes, she was still there in that late golden sunshine, facing his window now, gracile arms at her sides, head slightly cocked but emoting very little.

Jimmy immediately ducked back down, but his grip was no good. Adrenaline rushed through him and he clung as hard as he could. It was a slow, downward descent backwards until he slid against the bottom of the sink in a dramatically elongated and awkward motion accompanied by the material moan of something being polished too hard.

Arising from his knees, he mounted the step stool again to look but the little girl was gone.