FullStop.

[Twota]

Our great friendship , it wasn't great at all ,
First time we talked , you built your first wall ,
One day - a year after - , we talked for more than an hour ,
We talked more everyday , you fascinated me with that flower ,
"She likes me" i thought in delight , cuz i really liked you ,
"I think i like you" i said one day , you said you liked me too ,
It wasn't too long , before we got deeply in it - in love!
It seemed like baby cupid sent his arrows , from above ,
But our relationship was too strong , to be flexible ,
Jealousy and time made all things go wrong , and it was un fixable ,
Or may be baby cupid , used his very last arrow ,
So we lost our love , and everything just turned to sorrow..


Our previous friendship was too weak , to endure the break - so it broke as well ,
It was a complicated equation , and we made a mistake - tho in my heart you did dwell ,
So i took a step back , to let you choose your own new way ,
You never cared , you never called or asked me to stay ,
I was strong and you were stronger , but in this war there was no winner ,
Cuz it simply wasn't a war , but just for you , your act was bitter ,
After three months you talked , saying your just bored - LAME!
You complained about me being mean , but hun your the one to blame ,
And then you started building more walls , but this time your choice ,
Guess i had my share of pain already , so now i just laugh and rejoice ,
I am writing this , while lookin at that last wall , hoping it will remain ,
Cuz removing it will make me hate you , cuz you ll do it over and over again ,
So i shed one last tear , not of pain but to purify my heart from your poison ,
To have a new heart , a new start and to fly away towards the horizon.

[hillwalker]

This could work well as a love song - allow the music to play a part. I'm not so taken with it as a poem because the rhyme is forcing you to come up with some rather weak lines :

We talked more everyday , you fascinated me with that flower ,

or

It was a complicated equation , and we made a mistake - tho in my heart you did dwell

Love poems are notoriously difficult to write - especially if you are trying to come up with something new or original.
In this particular instance it's a very personal piece - a bit of a whinge to be honest - and since it is aimed at one specific individual there's nothing here to interest the detached reader.

H

[Twota]

Well you are right , it is for my ex-gf lol x) n there was a flower irl tho :D i agree with you that im forced by the rhyme in some lines , cant seem to help it :/ , any advice ?

[hillwalker]

Well you are right , it is for my ex-gf lol x) n there was a flower irl tho :D i agree with you that im forced by the rhyme in some lines , cant seem to help it :/ , any advice ?

Do you use rhyme when you talk to someone? I'm guessing not, so you're able to string words together that don't rhyme but still make enough sense for your listeners to comprehend.

The same can apply to writing poetry - foremost is conveying your thoughts to your readers so they see something that is possibly already familiar to them but in a different light.
Clarity of expression comes first - employing rhyme comes a lot later when you're confident you've found your 'voice'.

H

[Twota]

Hmm yes , i guess i get you , i shall try to do that in my next poem =DD thankies for help =] hope you get to read my next one and tell me what you think x]