peace

[doingitagain]

Regrettable?
Oddly cool
After an episode of white-hot talk and
I'm oddly cool.
Maybe it was my phrasing?
The rushed 4 words plus the explanation afterwards
Don't add up to the 4 letters of L.O.V.E.
Regrettable?
No, because I wanted you to know how I feel.
The only thing that is is feeling this way after saying, "I love you, Mari."

[Delta40]

Sounds like a spat aftermath to me. The four letter word could go either way and it leaves the relationship in perpetual question.

[doingitagain]

that's what it was, but rather than leaving it at that, i wanted to make it somewhat insightful and relatable. fail.

[Delta40]

what do you mean fail?

[doingitagain]

Well, I didn't want it to be so rant-y. I tried to make it more pensive and controlled, yet emotional, but an objective comment made me realize it's still too much of an unfocused shout.

[Delta40]

I disagree. I like the ambiguity of the piece. With all the diverse relationships in the world this poem could be considered a 'one size fits all' simply because it can be interpreted according to the emotional state of the reader.

[doingitagain]

A consistent opinion, I see. I will work on my language techniques. Thank you.

[Hawkman]

I think the repetitions of "oddly cool" and "regrettable" are un-necessary. A bit indulgent perhaps. I'd suggest tweaking the line break and punctuation in the last line, as well. I'm not sure that you need the name at the end. If written to a specific person then maybe it's ok, but for general consumption I feel it to be too personal. It makes the reader feel like a voyeur listening at keyholes, rather than sharing a universal truth. Does that make sense?

Live and be well - H

[doingitagain]

Universal truth. I, honestly, have used that phrase many times in my recent Comp II essays. Wow...how is it that we stumbled upon the same phrases?

[Hawkman]

Because they're universal... :D

[doingitagain]

Touché

[Delta40]

One of the joys of Lit-Net is getting conflicting opinions! That too is universal...