Fastness

[hallaig]

Fastness


Crossing the isthmus
and the broken neck of dykes
we leave the low boasts
of cattle and dry fields
combed flat to baize.
Here, in this fastness,
light and oceans blaze,
tides collide,
heathers swell like the sea,
and there are sounds
on the edge of hearing;
gulls like old regrets,
soft wash of water
like a mother’s breath.
On the Foghorn Steps
you stop to rest.
You are full, luscious,
and this, more than ever,
seems the place for us,
not just because everything born here
seems blessed,
but because we need the extraordinary
now, to forgive, forget.

[tailor STATELY]

Delightful.

With admiration,
tailor STATELY

[Hawkman]

Good poem hallaig, but I would query 'combed flat to baize' as an image. "cropped close as baize" might be better here. I'm not sure about the last four lines. A bit too telling perhaps? I think the poem would be more haunting without them.

I particularly like:

"heathers swell like the sea,
and there are sounds
on the edge of hearing;
gulls like old regrets,
soft wash of water
like a mother’s breath."

The "foghorn steps" pulls me up a bit though. Foghorn's steps would be less cryptic I think.

Very atmospheric poem though. Live and be well - H

[hillwalker]

Very evocative writing - love the 'low boasts/of cattle' and 'gulls like old regrets' as well as the understated 'baize/blaze' rhyme.

I wasn't so sure of 'You are full, luscious' since it seemed to draw attention away from the scene you drew so meticulously. Suddenly you're making a rather personalised statement that the reader has no way of sharing - you tell us rather than show us how the person looks... but other than that another exquisite piece of writing.

h

[hallaig]

Boys and girls, I'm no sure about this 'bit too telling' stuff. I'm all for show don't tell, but not 'your readers are clairvoyant don't tell'. Surely they deserve the odd pointer.

[everyadventure]

Oh, another gem! This is one you can't help reading several times. You have the gift of selecting phrases that are completely unexpected ("broken necks," "low boasts," "combed flat," "edge of hearing") but are so RIGHT that you can't imagine them being anything else.

The only thing I didn't like in this poem was the word "luscious." It feels strangely lewd. "Full" I liked, as it seems to encapsulate a whole state of being, but "luscious" has an almost dirty connotation. Something a little gentler, perhaps?

Love this poem, it's truly wonderful.

[Delta40]

Wow Hallaig. You're writing is so rich and I especially loved

heathers swell like the sea,
and there are sounds
on the edge of hearing;
gulls like old regrets,
soft wash of water
like a mother’s breath.

I hope to stand in a place like that