Ellie M
06-08-2011, 05:36 PM
I'm new to both the forum and writing but love it so I just want some feedback on these two ;) both were inspired by school thanks
A Falling Perspective
All appears normal on the World Trade Centres top floor this morning, the view is magnificent, the sky as blue as ever, the height still daunting, the busy buzzing bee-hive is the office or is what it resembles.
“Jean! Jean! I just came off the phone with... never mind you're not listening.” sighing she retreats to her desk with the sense of unimportance looming, “No one ever does listen to me. You'd think because I have a name plaque people would listen, but no, I'm just a small insignificance consumed by the buzz of this place. Now where are my tablets it's been two hours. Hmm can't find them, maybe-” that's when the loudest crash was heard from outside and everybody ran to the window, scurrying over the trembling floor to the view that was no longer a picture painted by angels but a painting that was thrown out of hell as the scene that met her eyes was the north tower being engulfed by what looked like an explosive flower with a dark grey, almost black outer shell blooming into an orange hell flower. It was like the whole world was in slow motion, everything, a part from herself, she began attempting to put the pieces back together “What's happening?A loud crash from outside and an orangey cloud that looks like something that should be in hell and dust and smoke, everywhere... everywhere. This picture of hell is pouring out of the North Tower.” She sees it unfolding before her, she hears the terrified screams but no emotion filled her. Not rage. Not sadness. Not panic. Just numbness.
Suddenly another thunderous crash was heard instantaneously followed by vigorous shaking, the ground was shaking, the walls were shaking, it seemed everything on the planet should have been shaking. But outside the panic was only just unfolding and the crowds of distraught citizens were growing.
The shaking threw her onto the floor as if she was nothing but a rag doll, banging her head and face on tumbling furniture and the cold, hard floor. Blackness. Silence. She awoke a few seconds later baffled. She sort of slumped up propped up against a wall and self sympathizing she held her wounded head and hissed in pain “Ooh that hurt, what's happening I can't believe this how can I be more confused, is the ground shaking or is it me who can't stand up. No, everyone is screaming and dialling their office phones frantically. I'm drowning in smoke and fear I best try to stand up. Am I unconscious and sort of dreaming or is this the reality of my last day in the office. Last day alive. Last day alive?” She tries to stand up like a pathetic new born lamb knowing what she had to do but not having the stamina to do so. She covered her forehead hiding the gash that she had newly acquired. The blood was streaming down her cheek onto her suit, but she didn't care for it was worthless to her now, she knew her fate from the instant she heard the fist crash however she dare not realize it.
She coughed and spluttered and stumbled through the smoke filled room for she saw a smashed window, an opportunity or a cruel temptation.“It isn't air I am breathing it is lost hopes, fear and sorrow, I'm submerged, outside the building and in.” She shuffled cautiously with no reasoning ever closer to the window “Right I'm almost there, time to make the choice. If I'm dreaming, which I think I am, jumping won't hurt I'll wake up as I'm falling so I should jump, I think. But if I'm not dreaming and this is reality wouldn't I be better waiting, hoping for a rescuer or would that be a pointless game to even think about. No I am dreaming and I will jump.” She stops suddenly at the very edge of the window ledge “Okay I'm here I'm edging ever closer towards my waking up. At the window I see the panic below. I step out and I'll wake up. I will wake up. I will. Wake up. Won't I?” She built up her courage until it was almost bursting out of her and she did it, she jumped. She had stepped out in a manner that, now that she was falling, caused her to fall with her face to the ground and her back to the heavens. “This is it. I'm falling. As the ground gets closer my deep sleep doesn't grow lighter. I'm falling, I'll wake up... Now!” As soon as she uttered that word the scene changed. She could see the whole thing happening below from above as if she was a bird or in a helicopter. The only thing was she was now dressed in white and her surroundings looked like clouds and that's when she realised. “Where am I? This isn't my bedroom. This isn't my house. This isn't my city. This isn't my world. I don't understand all this. I'm not ready. To. To. To. Die. What about my husband, my darling husband. Oh god. He. He's. No he can't. No. No he didn't go. Well if he is then why isn't he here next to me? Why? Why isn't he hugging my desperately holding on, comforting and warming?” A constant ringing is heard, it sounded like the familiar ring of an office phone.
She woke, distraught, at her desk on the top floor of the north tower with tears gushing down her streaky mascara covered cheeks, she blushed and looked around to see if anyone had noticed and much to her delight she was in luck. “Oh god, I can't believe I fell asleep. What a fool I look now tears streaming down my face, all my mascara has run and the boss is here, just great. Right time and date check because my head is everywhere.” giggling she glances carelessly at her alarm clock “Okay 9:02am 9th of the 11th okay better tell Jean about my call”
Where the fairies roam
The rain came down in torrents into the once innocent, tranquil stream which was now resembling an angry river, rushing to go nowhere. The unmentionable cavernous mouth in the rock face. Dark. Gloomy. Sinister. As the masses squeeze through the rock passages the water runs faster still flowing under the jungle that is the undergrowth. Untamed and wild. Tumbling over rocks and wooden debris finally reaching the vast ocean that was once a pond. The air smells of the damp forest floor but is still clear. All that is heard is the roaring of the trees and crashing of the stream. This is where the fairies roam.
They live among the weeping creepers where they're hidden from carnivo the carnivorous squirrel. His teeth are in rows like razors. Awful yellow razors with bits of his last meal stuck in between them. He lurks in the tree tops with the birds and insects keeping an ever watchful eye over the fairies. He springs down from the tree tops, in the early morning time and prowls the village and snatches his innocent slumbering prey.
The fairies are beautiful and delicate but the most stunning is the leader she has breath taking blonde barrel curls that tumble over her shoulders highlighted with tiny lilac flowers speckled with bright pink. Her dress a pastel blue, though torn and ripped was still beautiful, fitted around the torso and falling elegantly to her knees. This is Eridana.
You see every fairy is born with the flowers in their hair, the colour reflecting their personality, lilac means calmness and the bright pink speckles represent flourishing leadership skills.
The rain persistently falling so much so it was causing the village to flood rapidly. Some were frantically gathering items of importance and others had gone with Eridana to scour the forest for alternative shelter. Hours had passed and the village was almost completely flooded forcing the fairies to take refuge in a moss covered shed found by Eridana and her clan of searchers. They all pulled together and with a final almighty pull the shed door flew open. The new forest light flooded the shed to reveal the inside where there was twining ivy and moss and some shelves that had been completely covered with everything. There were no tools as you would expect to find in a usual shed. But this was no ordinary shed. This was where the fairies were to seek comfort for however long mother nature intended.
Eridana was in the middle of organising the camp when suddenly a rustling was heard. The night was here bringing new threats, they were guessing they were about to meet with one of these threats. In no time at all the door was flung open and the chilling wind flew in along with this dark figure, a small dark figure, but it was just as sinister. Eridana could just make out very slight sobs and sniffles which soon transformed into wails and cries. She quietly crawled to the edge of the shelf she was standing on and what she saw was the thing she was least expecting. This thing had short hair in a bob with a box fringe. It had pale skin and was wearing a dirty and ripped pair of dungarees. She decided this thing was no threat to her so floated down to get a closer look. Her suspicions were confirmed. She flew back up hurriedly to her clan and whispered trying to keep calm all the time. “Its one of those weird things we encountered a few years ago” her speech was almost silent “you know them things with four legs and they use two of them for walking and the others for exploration I guess” Everyone was baffled and silent, awkwardly silent, a smaller fairy managed to force out a whisper “You mean them things that, that can't fly 'cause they don't have no wings”
“Erm yes I think so.”
“Well what are we to do?”
“Er, well... I'll sort it out.”
“Yes you sort it out”
Eridana floated down again and tried to get into the range of sight of the thing. It saw her and just gave a bewildered stare. “Hello. Er, I'm Eridana, er, what’s your name?” Asked Eridana
“Wow! A real fairy. Is it real? Are you real? Well what does it matter no one would believe me...”
Eridana could now make out that the things features were like that of her own, very feminine and elegant with a childish hint to them. She sensed the being was sad or worried or at least something along those lines.
The being stayed sat down and was silently pondering her findings whilst Eridana and the clan had just finished listing a few questions they wished to ask the thing and was plucking up the courage to ask them, she fluttered down to the beings level and started the friendly interigating, if there is such a thing, “So er... what are you?” began Eridana abruptly
“what so you mean? I don't understand, do you mean what species am I or what sex am I as in boy or girl?” replied the suddenly confused thing,
“Boy? Girl? What are these things you speek of?”
“You must be joking! Well anyway I'd better tell you everything instead...”
You see I'm a human, homo sapien, person, mortal or whatever you want to call it and when we homo sapiens, humans, people, mortals are in the womb our sex or gender is determined which means we are either a boy or a girl and I am a girl. My name is Erimentha it means 'Collector Of Thoughts and Determined Protector' Erin for short which probably means something completely different or some people just call me Er (but obviously pronounce it as if saying 'air') so you can choose, but my story is somewhat... sinister. Me, mother and father a normal family really. Well at least on the outside. My Father is angry, at nothing well he could probably be angry at his anger and then have the cheek to blame it on some innocent victim. Or me. I had to get away. He chased me right into the forest. Then I finally lost him and now I'm here. I reckon he'll be lashing out at mother, vicious and unstoppable. She's ill. Cancer. She's not strong as it is. He. He'll. He'll kill her whether it's from abuse or just from being him, he will cause her death and I don't want to be there to witness it so I'm never, ever, going back. And god. God please put him in hell, at the very bottom in the fiery pits where the devil lurks with cruel temptations that one cannot resist that only lead them further down, past rock bottom and into a vast pool of lost and regretful souls. I hope there are bad things down there for him, monsters and other things from his worst nightmares like the feeling of fault and guilt that can never be put right. And mother to be put in her rightful spot in heaven where she will be well and return to her best form with grandma and grandad.
“Oh.” Eridana replied unsure if er sensitivity was correctly portrayed. “ And so you say you're from the outside beyond the trees and flowers?”
“Sure if you say so.”
“so Erin are you staying the night?”
“Well I don't really have a choice.”
“Well ok then, it's getting late so I will see you when the goddess awakens and blesses us with her beams of light and when hell has ridden off into the night.”
“okay...” replied Erin confused and slightly dazzled by the poetic goodbye.
Suddenly the door flew open and Erin sat up in her bed and stared like a rabbit in headlights at the snarling man stood at her bedroom door, he stormed in and trampled her fairy figurines and the plastic trees to go with them and her dream awoke into the nightmare that was her reality.
A Falling Perspective
All appears normal on the World Trade Centres top floor this morning, the view is magnificent, the sky as blue as ever, the height still daunting, the busy buzzing bee-hive is the office or is what it resembles.
“Jean! Jean! I just came off the phone with... never mind you're not listening.” sighing she retreats to her desk with the sense of unimportance looming, “No one ever does listen to me. You'd think because I have a name plaque people would listen, but no, I'm just a small insignificance consumed by the buzz of this place. Now where are my tablets it's been two hours. Hmm can't find them, maybe-” that's when the loudest crash was heard from outside and everybody ran to the window, scurrying over the trembling floor to the view that was no longer a picture painted by angels but a painting that was thrown out of hell as the scene that met her eyes was the north tower being engulfed by what looked like an explosive flower with a dark grey, almost black outer shell blooming into an orange hell flower. It was like the whole world was in slow motion, everything, a part from herself, she began attempting to put the pieces back together “What's happening?A loud crash from outside and an orangey cloud that looks like something that should be in hell and dust and smoke, everywhere... everywhere. This picture of hell is pouring out of the North Tower.” She sees it unfolding before her, she hears the terrified screams but no emotion filled her. Not rage. Not sadness. Not panic. Just numbness.
Suddenly another thunderous crash was heard instantaneously followed by vigorous shaking, the ground was shaking, the walls were shaking, it seemed everything on the planet should have been shaking. But outside the panic was only just unfolding and the crowds of distraught citizens were growing.
The shaking threw her onto the floor as if she was nothing but a rag doll, banging her head and face on tumbling furniture and the cold, hard floor. Blackness. Silence. She awoke a few seconds later baffled. She sort of slumped up propped up against a wall and self sympathizing she held her wounded head and hissed in pain “Ooh that hurt, what's happening I can't believe this how can I be more confused, is the ground shaking or is it me who can't stand up. No, everyone is screaming and dialling their office phones frantically. I'm drowning in smoke and fear I best try to stand up. Am I unconscious and sort of dreaming or is this the reality of my last day in the office. Last day alive. Last day alive?” She tries to stand up like a pathetic new born lamb knowing what she had to do but not having the stamina to do so. She covered her forehead hiding the gash that she had newly acquired. The blood was streaming down her cheek onto her suit, but she didn't care for it was worthless to her now, she knew her fate from the instant she heard the fist crash however she dare not realize it.
She coughed and spluttered and stumbled through the smoke filled room for she saw a smashed window, an opportunity or a cruel temptation.“It isn't air I am breathing it is lost hopes, fear and sorrow, I'm submerged, outside the building and in.” She shuffled cautiously with no reasoning ever closer to the window “Right I'm almost there, time to make the choice. If I'm dreaming, which I think I am, jumping won't hurt I'll wake up as I'm falling so I should jump, I think. But if I'm not dreaming and this is reality wouldn't I be better waiting, hoping for a rescuer or would that be a pointless game to even think about. No I am dreaming and I will jump.” She stops suddenly at the very edge of the window ledge “Okay I'm here I'm edging ever closer towards my waking up. At the window I see the panic below. I step out and I'll wake up. I will wake up. I will. Wake up. Won't I?” She built up her courage until it was almost bursting out of her and she did it, she jumped. She had stepped out in a manner that, now that she was falling, caused her to fall with her face to the ground and her back to the heavens. “This is it. I'm falling. As the ground gets closer my deep sleep doesn't grow lighter. I'm falling, I'll wake up... Now!” As soon as she uttered that word the scene changed. She could see the whole thing happening below from above as if she was a bird or in a helicopter. The only thing was she was now dressed in white and her surroundings looked like clouds and that's when she realised. “Where am I? This isn't my bedroom. This isn't my house. This isn't my city. This isn't my world. I don't understand all this. I'm not ready. To. To. To. Die. What about my husband, my darling husband. Oh god. He. He's. No he can't. No. No he didn't go. Well if he is then why isn't he here next to me? Why? Why isn't he hugging my desperately holding on, comforting and warming?” A constant ringing is heard, it sounded like the familiar ring of an office phone.
She woke, distraught, at her desk on the top floor of the north tower with tears gushing down her streaky mascara covered cheeks, she blushed and looked around to see if anyone had noticed and much to her delight she was in luck. “Oh god, I can't believe I fell asleep. What a fool I look now tears streaming down my face, all my mascara has run and the boss is here, just great. Right time and date check because my head is everywhere.” giggling she glances carelessly at her alarm clock “Okay 9:02am 9th of the 11th okay better tell Jean about my call”
Where the fairies roam
The rain came down in torrents into the once innocent, tranquil stream which was now resembling an angry river, rushing to go nowhere. The unmentionable cavernous mouth in the rock face. Dark. Gloomy. Sinister. As the masses squeeze through the rock passages the water runs faster still flowing under the jungle that is the undergrowth. Untamed and wild. Tumbling over rocks and wooden debris finally reaching the vast ocean that was once a pond. The air smells of the damp forest floor but is still clear. All that is heard is the roaring of the trees and crashing of the stream. This is where the fairies roam.
They live among the weeping creepers where they're hidden from carnivo the carnivorous squirrel. His teeth are in rows like razors. Awful yellow razors with bits of his last meal stuck in between them. He lurks in the tree tops with the birds and insects keeping an ever watchful eye over the fairies. He springs down from the tree tops, in the early morning time and prowls the village and snatches his innocent slumbering prey.
The fairies are beautiful and delicate but the most stunning is the leader she has breath taking blonde barrel curls that tumble over her shoulders highlighted with tiny lilac flowers speckled with bright pink. Her dress a pastel blue, though torn and ripped was still beautiful, fitted around the torso and falling elegantly to her knees. This is Eridana.
You see every fairy is born with the flowers in their hair, the colour reflecting their personality, lilac means calmness and the bright pink speckles represent flourishing leadership skills.
The rain persistently falling so much so it was causing the village to flood rapidly. Some were frantically gathering items of importance and others had gone with Eridana to scour the forest for alternative shelter. Hours had passed and the village was almost completely flooded forcing the fairies to take refuge in a moss covered shed found by Eridana and her clan of searchers. They all pulled together and with a final almighty pull the shed door flew open. The new forest light flooded the shed to reveal the inside where there was twining ivy and moss and some shelves that had been completely covered with everything. There were no tools as you would expect to find in a usual shed. But this was no ordinary shed. This was where the fairies were to seek comfort for however long mother nature intended.
Eridana was in the middle of organising the camp when suddenly a rustling was heard. The night was here bringing new threats, they were guessing they were about to meet with one of these threats. In no time at all the door was flung open and the chilling wind flew in along with this dark figure, a small dark figure, but it was just as sinister. Eridana could just make out very slight sobs and sniffles which soon transformed into wails and cries. She quietly crawled to the edge of the shelf she was standing on and what she saw was the thing she was least expecting. This thing had short hair in a bob with a box fringe. It had pale skin and was wearing a dirty and ripped pair of dungarees. She decided this thing was no threat to her so floated down to get a closer look. Her suspicions were confirmed. She flew back up hurriedly to her clan and whispered trying to keep calm all the time. “Its one of those weird things we encountered a few years ago” her speech was almost silent “you know them things with four legs and they use two of them for walking and the others for exploration I guess” Everyone was baffled and silent, awkwardly silent, a smaller fairy managed to force out a whisper “You mean them things that, that can't fly 'cause they don't have no wings”
“Erm yes I think so.”
“Well what are we to do?”
“Er, well... I'll sort it out.”
“Yes you sort it out”
Eridana floated down again and tried to get into the range of sight of the thing. It saw her and just gave a bewildered stare. “Hello. Er, I'm Eridana, er, what’s your name?” Asked Eridana
“Wow! A real fairy. Is it real? Are you real? Well what does it matter no one would believe me...”
Eridana could now make out that the things features were like that of her own, very feminine and elegant with a childish hint to them. She sensed the being was sad or worried or at least something along those lines.
The being stayed sat down and was silently pondering her findings whilst Eridana and the clan had just finished listing a few questions they wished to ask the thing and was plucking up the courage to ask them, she fluttered down to the beings level and started the friendly interigating, if there is such a thing, “So er... what are you?” began Eridana abruptly
“what so you mean? I don't understand, do you mean what species am I or what sex am I as in boy or girl?” replied the suddenly confused thing,
“Boy? Girl? What are these things you speek of?”
“You must be joking! Well anyway I'd better tell you everything instead...”
You see I'm a human, homo sapien, person, mortal or whatever you want to call it and when we homo sapiens, humans, people, mortals are in the womb our sex or gender is determined which means we are either a boy or a girl and I am a girl. My name is Erimentha it means 'Collector Of Thoughts and Determined Protector' Erin for short which probably means something completely different or some people just call me Er (but obviously pronounce it as if saying 'air') so you can choose, but my story is somewhat... sinister. Me, mother and father a normal family really. Well at least on the outside. My Father is angry, at nothing well he could probably be angry at his anger and then have the cheek to blame it on some innocent victim. Or me. I had to get away. He chased me right into the forest. Then I finally lost him and now I'm here. I reckon he'll be lashing out at mother, vicious and unstoppable. She's ill. Cancer. She's not strong as it is. He. He'll. He'll kill her whether it's from abuse or just from being him, he will cause her death and I don't want to be there to witness it so I'm never, ever, going back. And god. God please put him in hell, at the very bottom in the fiery pits where the devil lurks with cruel temptations that one cannot resist that only lead them further down, past rock bottom and into a vast pool of lost and regretful souls. I hope there are bad things down there for him, monsters and other things from his worst nightmares like the feeling of fault and guilt that can never be put right. And mother to be put in her rightful spot in heaven where she will be well and return to her best form with grandma and grandad.
“Oh.” Eridana replied unsure if er sensitivity was correctly portrayed. “ And so you say you're from the outside beyond the trees and flowers?”
“Sure if you say so.”
“so Erin are you staying the night?”
“Well I don't really have a choice.”
“Well ok then, it's getting late so I will see you when the goddess awakens and blesses us with her beams of light and when hell has ridden off into the night.”
“okay...” replied Erin confused and slightly dazzled by the poetic goodbye.
Suddenly the door flew open and Erin sat up in her bed and stared like a rabbit in headlights at the snarling man stood at her bedroom door, he stormed in and trampled her fairy figurines and the plastic trees to go with them and her dream awoke into the nightmare that was her reality.