Wetiko

[NoRule]

This is about my feelings towards civilization
___
Sometimes when I lay in bed at night
I imagine the kiss of a spider's bite
I open my eyes I see the candle's light
I can't help but to think that nothing's right

I feel the fright take over myself
And the world feels like it has no health
If there's one thing that I know
it's not to show
The fear which grows from all I see

I can't imagine a worse place to be
than the bed which I seem to need
I can't imagine a worse place to be
than the bed which I seem to need.

Every second I spend
seems a waste of time
I can't find the balance 'tween the world's and mine
God, I hate this place
in which I try to thrive
All I want is to feel alive

But despite this I still pray thanks
To the Roman, the French and English kings
'Cuz even though I'm civilized, diseased
I appreciate the life that was given to me
I appreciate the soul which was stolen from me
'Cuz now I'm left with the opportunity
To give back to the world which has given to me
Given to me the life which I lead
Given to me the life which I graciously lead.

---
This is actually a song I wrote, listen to it here (its a low quality webcam recording):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBBG8HJ-7C8

[Bar22do]

I believe it's better not to explain poems to people. Poems should speak by themselves. And, of course, they will never speak to all.

Yours here are contradicting braids of love for life and aversion for what men do with it... with a bit of hope (not so clear though) that your own life is still available to do better.

By the way, an individual soul is this incredible event etched into eternity no one can steal from us.

Best of all to you, from Bar

[NoRule]

Bar,

As you are referring to my introductory statement, it is hardly an explanation. There is much more to this piece than "my feelings towards civilization." I understand your point - a poem should be written well enough as to not need any explanation - but a slight descriptor is nonetheless harmless. But, if you feel that making such a statement takes away from my work that is fine and I certainly understand your perspective. Since this is a song rather than a poem, it does not have all of the qualities a poem has - which influenced me to introduce this piece that way, and I do feel it is appropriate.

In response to your statement, "By the way, an individual soul is this incredible event etched into eternity no one can steal from us," ... c'mon, really? Is that necessary? Anyone with an open mind can realize that the intagible essence of a "soul" is used in various ways in literature. Why so serious?
NoRule

[Bar22do]

In response to your statement, "By the way, an individual soul is this incredible event etched into eternity no one can steal from us," ... c'mon, really? Is that necessary? Anyone with an open mind can realize that the intagible essence of a "soul" is used in various ways in literature. Why so serious?
NoRule

Mainly, I wanted to honour and relate to your poem which was left unnoticed and deserved noticing, imo. I simply shared my thoughts, very generally. Can abstain in the future, if you wish me to. I didn't know it was a song, either. Best to you, Bar

[NoRule]

Bar,
Thank you for your response, it puts your criticisms into perspective. Do not abstain from commenting on my future works; whether or not I agree, any statement which challenges my current conceptions in respect to writing is valuable.
NoRule

[Delta40]

I'd comment but I find it difficult to critque 'I hate this life but I am gracious nevertheless theme'. I'm going to assume you're part of civilisation (unless you actually believe you're not) and therefore have as much stake in working toward improving this world as the rest of us. Sounds like it might be too much hard work for you though.

Keep writing.

[everyadventure]

As a poem, it isn't outstanding... especially the part about French and English kings. But I couldn't resist checking out your YouTube video, and it does much better as a song than stand-alone poetry. The music adds a layer of depth the poem was lacking.

You're good at writing music, I really enjoyed listening to it. I hope you'll share more poems/songs.

[NoRule]

Delta40,
I don't hate this life. Rather, I hate the current state of the world (world trade, corporate dominance, government rule, destruction of environment, etc.) In fact, I am devoting my life to activism and social change, and it is NOT too much hard work for me (I thank you kindly for having little faith in me, and I hope you recognize you have no basis for such an assumption).

When I wrote this song I was feeling deprived of the lifestyle I wish I was born into. I would much rather be living in a world where the human population does not exceed a few million; a world where humans live in tribes and support each other communally rather than through a complex economic system such as capitalism; a world where exploitation is at a minimal level, instead of sucking the Earth dry of its resources. Even so, I know that if I was born into that lifestyle I would not have nearly as much appreciation for the concept as I do now (I might even wish I was living in such a technologically advanced society as I am currently in). So, although I am disgusted at the world I live in, I appreciate what I have and I am going to do the best I can with what I have. That's the jist of my song.

everyadventure,
Thanks for the compliment. There is meaning behind "But despite this I still pray thanks / to the Roman the French and English kings" that is important to my thoughts and feelings. If it weren't for the rulers who pushed Western idealogies throughout the globe, the world would be a vastly different place. Although I cannot say I am glad that Western beliefs have eradicated most other systems of social organization and subsistence strategies, the fact that it did happen gives me an appreciation for how I feel life SHOULD be and allows me to speculate on the negative and positive aspects of modern, civilized life.

Thank you both for your comments,
NoRule

[Delta40]

Delta40,
When I wrote this song I was feeling deprived of the lifestyle I wish I was born into. I would much rather be living in a world where the human population does not exceed a few million; a world where humans live in tribes and support each other communally rather than through a complex economic system such as capitalism; a world where exploitation is at a minimal level, instead of sucking the Earth dry of its resources. Even so, I know that if I was born into that lifestyle I would not have nearly as much appreciation for the concept as I do now (I might even wish I was living in such a technologically advanced society as I am currently in). So, although I am disgusted at the world I live in, I appreciate what I have and I am going to do the best I can with what I have. That's the jist of my song.


No apologies. You sound like I think and without further evidence, that's all I gotta go on. However I will agree with EA's comment on your 'poem'. It isn't outstanding. I would however urge you to separate songs from poems. They are not the same and after reading this 'poem' I would not dream of listening to it as a song. Don't sell yourself short by trying to appeal to two different audiences with one genre. Develop both crafts or stick with one.

Best wishes.