Beginers writing

[The_new_guy]

Hey, as the username suggests im knew to writing. that bieng said i wrote this during class (year 10) about a year ago. bieng one of the biggest bludgers of a low grade english class my teacher was surprised with this so I thought i'd get some non bios opinions on my work ( I thought it was crummy :p). If I could get some honest opinions and maybe a bit of consructive critisim that would be greatly appriciated. Thanks

Lying in a hammock; giving the illusion that I am weightless with the warm summer's breeze flowing
in between the holes in the materials woven together. That would be one thing l would be doing instead of this.
I stand alone; only me and the vast view in many directions of blue on blue view before me, nothing to do but stare out into the open. My name is Private L. Thomson and l have been stationed on Devil island with approximately twenty others. My job is sea watch so I stand in a tower for days just watching for nothing. No-one else; no company or anything, just me alone. Though I do nothing all day I never feel bored I just daydream the hours away staring blankly into the sparkly water as the world moves around me.
I begin to drift off again into my own world but this time I close my eyes and I see a dark alley behind
a kitchen. I walk down and turn around. Behind me is the streets filled with people walking and
minding their own business. I want so much to head back and start talking to one of them. But I turn
back around and walk further into the darkness past the dumpster into the nothingness

All of a sudden the darkness is overtaken by blue and my eyes reopen. But something's not right.
Something's out of place. Off in the distance there is a black rectangle. Rubbing my eyes in disbelief I
reach for the dusty binoculars sitting on the small table in the corner of the tower. As the binoculars
slowly rise to my eyes, my heart beats faster and I realise my worst fear. lt's a japanese boat
beaching. Time seemed to freeze and so did my thoughts as if I am observing everything my body is doing. I sprint into action. I began to climb down the ladder, so fast it was like an old lag. So naturally by the time I had reached the bottom a wave of thoughts came crashing down. Too many as I had fallen into the soft sand almost sinking into it. Lying there my thought changed from a furious sea to a calm lake.

I had to warn the others and set up some defences. I leaped to my feet pounding then against the
sand like pistons and race off to the control building where I could sound the alarm. I ran hundreds
of metres without even seeing another soul to warn of another attack. The sand becomes too light. I
trip but leap straight back up like a cheetah. As turn the last corner I see Joe lying in a hammock on
the porch of the control room I stop in my tracks. Secretly think ‘What a bastard!' but I snap back
catching enough of my breath to yell 'there here! The Japs are here'' Joe flops off and falls to his knees staring at me with the same blank expression I had when l froze at
the thought of the Japs. And like me and he snapped out of it and ran inside. Just as I collapsed face
first into the sand, unable to catch my breath after the run of my life. Just as my heart began to calm
itself the warning alarm sounded rushing it back. Joe and some of the others emerged from the
building with weapons yelling to get to the bunkers. Joe runs past me, lifts me to my feet and hands
me a M4 carbine he says to me

[ACroDog]

Hey, as the username suggests im knew to writing. that bieng said i wrote this during class (year 10) about a year ago. bieng one of the biggest bludgers of a low grade english class my teacher was surprised with this so I thought i'd get some non bios opinions on my work ( I thought it was crummy :p). If I could get some honest opinions and maybe a bit of consructive critisim that would be greatly appriciated. Thanks

Lying in a hammock; giving the illusion that I am weightless with the warm summer's breeze flowing
in between the holes in the materials woven together. That would be one thing l would be doing instead of this.
I stand alone; only me and the vast view in many directions of blue on blue view before me, nothing to do but stare out into the open. My name is Private L. Thomson and l have been stationed on Devil island with approximately twenty others. My job is sea watch so I stand in a tower for days just watching for nothing. No-one else; no company or anything, just me alone. Though I do nothing all day I never feel bored I just daydream the hours away staring blankly into the sparkly water as the world moves around me.
I begin to drift off again into my own world but this time I close my eyes and I see a dark alley behind
a kitchen. I walk down and turn around. Behind me is the streets filled with people walking and
minding their own business. I want so much to head back and start talking to one of them. But I turn
back around and walk further into the darkness past the dumpster into the nothingness

All of a sudden the darkness is overtaken by blue and my eyes reopen. But something's not right.
Something's out of place. Off in the distance there is a black rectangle. Rubbing my eyes in disbelief I
reach for the dusty binoculars sitting on the small table in the corner of the tower. As the binoculars
slowly rise to my eyes, my heart beats faster and I realise my worst fear. lt's a japanese boat
beaching. Time seemed to freeze and so did my thoughts as if I am observing everything my body is doing. I sprint into action. I began to climb down the ladder, so fast it was like an old lag. So naturally by the time I had reached the bottom a wave of thoughts came crashing down. Too many as I had fallen into the soft sand almost sinking into it. Lying there my thought changed from a furious sea to a calm lake.

I had to warn the others and set up some defences. I leaped to my feet pounding then against the
sand like pistons and race off to the control building where I could sound the alarm. I ran hundreds
of metres without even seeing another soul to warn of another attack. The sand becomes too light. I
trip but leap straight back up like a cheetah. As turn the last corner I see Joe lying in a hammock on
the porch of the control room I stop in my tracks. Secretly think ‘What a bastard!' but I snap back
catching enough of my breath to yell 'there here! The Japs are here'' Joe flops off and falls to his knees staring at me with the same blank expression I had when l froze at
the thought of the Japs. And like me and he snapped out of it and ran inside. Just as I collapsed face
first into the sand, unable to catch my breath after the run of my life. Just as my heart began to calm
itself the warning alarm sounded rushing it back. Joe and some of the others emerged from the
building with weapons yelling to get to the bunkers. Joe runs past me, lifts me to my feet and hands
me a M4 carbine he says to me
What does he say?! Is there more? Hi by the way. I've been writing for about 10 years now. In no way does that make me a professional, without spell check I'd spell check wrong. Be that as it way I think I know what's interesting and I'm interested. Very good job new guy. I enjoied that. It was very poetic in the beginning and hooked me in the end. =]

[The_new_guy]

umm yea i wrote it in my book then the teacher typed it (i have messy writing so it was missinturpreted) then i re-typed it and the file has since been courrupted :P plus i forgot what he said something about "the bludge is over" and they ran off to get ready for battle. got the ideas from video games and a song i was listing too at the time.