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Hawkman
06-03-2011, 10:42 AM
He wears his thoughts like corpses,
lets them dangle
from a gibbet tongue,
where rotten and disconsolate,
each poisonous breath befouls the air.

Beneath a darkened cloud of hate,
crows breed;
they feed on filth from fresh turned graves.
When starved, the flame of reason cannot burn
and so, with freedom, dies.

everyadventure
06-03-2011, 11:48 AM
He wears his thoughts like corpses-- entirely original and unexpected!

PrinceMyshkin
06-03-2011, 02:10 PM
Who would have thought that you were capable of writing free verse? And in such a scathing tone! The lines


When starved, the flame of reason cannot burn
and so, with freedom, dies.

are surely worthy of your Horace, your Ovid!

Jerrybaldy
06-03-2011, 08:22 PM
I think I once met him. There is a message in those closing lines. I'm sure. Macabre, rereadable and entertaining.

Haunted
06-03-2011, 08:57 PM
Very strong piece, it evokes all the senses. I wonder if this were a particular person, a public figure perhaps?

Hawkman
06-04-2011, 02:13 AM
Thanks ea.

Prince, What can I say? Horace and Ovid yet! Thanks very much :)

JB Not sure about the entertaining, but I won't argue with macabre. Glad you found it readable.

Haunted: thanks. It's mainly a comment on a historical figure, although there are still those in public life who make rabble-rousing speaches and trade in the currency of divisive hatred.

Thanks again to one and all for reading - Live and be well - H

ampoule
06-04-2011, 08:25 AM
Oh my. I could hang this poem around a few necks. Very good!

AuntShecky
06-04-2011, 03:22 PM
At first I couldn't wrap my mind around corpses hanging from someone (something's) tongue-- then somehow recalled seeing medieval paintings or woodcuts from who?-- Hieronymous Bosch?-- whose horrible, dragon-like beasts depict that very horrifying image.

This piece veers from religious allegory, however; modernizes it and sees The Beast as one who devours reason, dragging freedom along with it.

A very cogent and graphic indictment of our current age. While the topic is disturbing, it is excellently executed.

Hawkman
06-04-2011, 03:30 PM
Thanks, ampoule.

Hi Auntie, they were metaphorical corpses, of course. :D I find your choice of words interesting where you say, '...devours reason.' I would say that my speaker smothers it, rather than devours it. As somebody infamous once said, 'Tell a lie often enough and everyone will believe it.' Anyway, glad it gave you something to think about.

Thank you both for reading and commenting - Live and be well - H

Hawkman
08-13-2016, 03:47 PM
Written in 2011, this seems even more relevant now... Bump!

caddy_caddy
08-13-2016, 05:12 PM
very powerful imagery
I liked the closing lines; they are thought provoking .
Thanks for sharing such " beauty " with us .

Danik 2016
08-13-2016, 09:29 PM
Very up to date, Hawkman. So concret has it become that for me is it hardly an image any more.

DieterM
08-14-2016, 03:27 AM
Great images, and everything flows really smoothly, each word leading to the next in such a coherent way. And yes, the content is awfully, dreadfully relevant. Thanks for bumping, hawkman, 'cause even if I joined this venerable Forums in 2010, I can't remember having read it back in '11…

Hawkman
08-18-2016, 08:18 AM
Thanks to caddy_caddy, Danik 2016 and Dieter :) The more I look at this the more imbalanced it seems to me. The first stanza works ok, but it really needs extending into three stanzas. That transition to the final 2 lines is too abrupt, I feel. I may yet play with it a bit.

Live and be well - H