Hare

[hallaig]

Hare


Driving the pass at midnight
we catch in our lights a hare.
Framed in a false moon of yellow light
it runs ahead of us, keeps perfect pace,

and I am wondering why even here
where emptiness rolls like oil over moor
and bones of homes, even here is this
symbol of my helplessness,

you out of reach like the hare,
ghostly in a car’s eye, poised always
between impossibly distant hills
and a field of stars.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Throughout there is this perfectly pitched acknowledgment of the protagonist's helplessness. It's the quietness of the poem that gets me.

[qimissung]

I agree-such pitch perfect sorrow and loss for what is longed for and just out of reach. What beautiful language!

[Bar22do]

Intense feelings in well mastered, delicate poem, of which I loved especially the last S.

[hillwalker]

Love the way you have suggested there is still an element of life even in the emptiest landscape.

H

[Doralace]

A rather incredible poem, Hallaig, the last S's description of her/his distance is masterful.

[_Shannon_]

I really like this. I love the tonal quality. But the poem fell apart for me a little as I am being told so explicitly the symbolism. I guess I am more in the "show; don't tell" camp.

[everyadventure]

You've earned a spot on my "Favorite Poets" list. However will I explain to JerryBaldy that you've bumped him off? (Kidding, Jerry, kidding!)

[hallaig]

Driving the pass at midnight,
emptiness rolling everywhere
like oil, we catch in our lights a hare.
Framed in a false moon of yellow light

it runs ahead of us, keeps close by
for miles through the glen,
ghostly in the car’s eye,
wild and perfect

and beyond reach. We stop at last
and watch it go, wavering still
between impossible distant hills
and a field of stars.

[everyadventure]

Yes, it IS better, but you need to get rid of the words "like love somehow." Have some faith in your readers, we WILL get it without you feeding it to us on a silver teaspoon.

[hallaig]

Well that would be easily done, of course, but wouldnae abody think the poem was just about a hare then? Which it is, of course, but you ken what I mean. You cannae necessarily trust the reader to get references that simply arenae there, can ye? Will alter it and see what ye think

[everyadventure]

Well that would be easily done, of course, but wouldnae abody think the poem was just about a hare then? Which it is, of course, but you ken what I mean. You cannae necessarily trust the reader to get references that simply arenae there, can ye? Will alter it and see what ye think

No, right from the beginning, when you start with "we," the reader suspects this poem is about a relationship. You could have just as easily said "I" and "my," even if another person was with you. But you're drawing the other person into this intimate moment.

And then, it's the last stanza that hits it home. The word "impossible" is the biggest clue, and sums up the tone of the poem in its entirety. I think you'd have to be pretty dense not to get it, and as this forum is made up of BRILLIANT individuals, I think this final version is perfection.