Stormy

[_Shannon_]

The windows rattled
as the thunder broke,
cats licking her toes
at the foot of the bed.
Tangled in his arms,
the darkness melted
in intervals
as lightning flashed.
She watched him breathe
and envied his sleep,
as she picked at her teeth
absentmindedly.
There is no lonely
so deep, she believed,
as a storm raging
in the dead of night.

I'll love you with all I've got
she said.
I've got barely anything left
she thought.

[MystyrMystyry]

Interesting Shannon

Smooth as silk

[_Shannon_]

Thanks for reading <3

[hallaig]

Sparse which is good. Don't know if I'm not a bit confused by the end because it's not the Storm that's lonely, is it, it's you, but that's the way it reads. I like the idea of being lonely while in bed with your partner, the cat etc while all this drama rages outside, but maybe this idea of loneliness needs to be underlined more- the absent minded picking of teeth doesn't make you sound lonely, only distracted.

[_Shannon_]

I think, it's not really a poem about loneliness, so much as it is about brokeness--and being unable to give one's heart as fully as one would wish. The "she" is lying in bed with someone, as a storm is raging outside...which, at least from a girl perspective, is romantic as hell...and "she's" there picking her teeth-unable to surrender to the moment.

Don't know if that clarifies or makes sense...or makes the poem succeed or fail. LOL!

Totally appreciate the feedback.

[PrinceMyshkin]

The "widows" rattled or was it the windows?


the darkness melted
in intervals


is freaking visual genius but then the whole of this is cinematically so very, very good.

[_Shannon_]

Uhh...windows

LOL! Thanks! Fixing now!

[Bar22do]

Lovely and - (heart)breaking.. well done Shannon.

[Jerrybaldy]

If its not sexist to say so or still if it is, this soaked the page with femininity. I liked it.

[drago]

This is one of the poem's that can be appreciated beyond form. As a female, thank you for writing this.
Perhaps the best of the arts are those that can be identified with.

[everyadventure]

The cat was an exquisite touch. I could do without the last stanza-- you already showed everything that needed to be said, and you did it beautifully.

[Vignette]

My first thought when I read this, was wondering why aren't they making mad, passionate love during such a raging storm? The perfect romantic complement to an evening of fiery lovemaking, and yet she lays awake in bed picking her teeth?

I did get hit with the idea that here was a woman who was either unwilling, or unable, to lose herself in the moment. So it did make sense to me, and as a woman I can say that I think at one time or another, we've all been there.