Lust

[doingitagain]

1). The sight of you incites me; my fury is here.

Rage is absent, but every minute becomes an hour as I wonder about your restraints, your courage, your thoughts.

All of this is held within your apple that commands my eye. Up and down vision starts at the top, and my heart begins to beat forward and backwards stronger.

What a fine fox you are, Miss.

2) Each time you call me home in a sweet refrain,
Saying things will change, you’ll take away the pain,
Then we flashback to the first time you put your spell on me,
You envelope me, you feel good as hell to me.
One moment leads to another few,
Here it goes again,
Leaving you is, oh, so hard to do,
I just can’t pretend, can’t pretend

[hallaig]

Aye, it's the agony of romantic love, eh? I like the first section as a sort of rant, and like some of the language you use, eg your apple that commands my eye. Is it meant as a preface to a poem? cos it's not a poem.

Second section suffers from forced rhyme syndrome. I don't personally think rhyme is necessarily the best way for establishing musicality in verse. Don't be a slave to it. If I had another criticism its that the second section lacks a bit of invention linguistically, is a wee bit banal.

I feel your pain, though. I posted a poem on this topic myself.

[doingitagain]

With regards to the first "poem", you hit the nail on the head. I didn't know what it was because it's so short, so the first thing that came to mind as far as classification goes was poem.

Thank you for your compliments; I do feel particularly proud because the second piece is a verse from a John Legend song. You see, lately I have been bombarded by beauty, and the instinctual desire for it that comes is something I have felt before, but have no place for as I am in a relationship. This reoccurring velvet warmth is personified by the aforementioned verse, and to me, one of the best dialogues of temptation I have read. Idk if I should've given credit to Legend, but since the topic was lust and I really enjoyed the piece itself, it would serve as a way to expose the work and add to the first, short "poem."