Finally

[Jerrybaldy]

My deck shoes are heavy with sand,
but still I run the length
of this sodden moonlit beach,
barking at waves
through gritty teeth,
biting down on seaweed bubbles,
gagging on saline,
self harming with crab claws.
Stripped to milky skin,
suspicious moles
and uneven balls,
I fall in the hole,
to my chinny chin chin,
awaiting a spring flow,
eyes shut,
open mouthed.
Bye bye bathing beauties,
I am more than ready now.

[Delta40]

Excellent imagery Jerry.

[deryk]

Very visceral. You can have my flotation device!

[Hawkman]

Reads like a Reggie Perrin moment...

[MystyrMystyry]

Interesting JB - I'm guessing it's a pt 2 to Deckchair?

If so it suggests to me that something's up (down?) with you lately, deeper than just writing about death for the sake of it...

Cheer up sir!

(But write a few more of these first)

[zoolane]

Hi Jerry, very bittersweet poem but last two lines hmmm.

Bye bye bathing beauties,
I am more than ready now.

Sound like someone faded away (died)in a deckchair on favourite beach.

[hillwalker]

I found this quite nightmarish (but in a good way) - you somehow convinced me that the narrator is in hospital dreaming of being in rather more pleasant surroundings than his death bed.

[saline being the clue]

or am I reading too much into it as usual?

H

[AuntShecky]

The content is simultaneously funny and disturbing; the form, pretty good. If there ever was a case for short, breathy lines, this is it.

Not only are the word choices apt, playing on current parlance "suspicious moles," e.g.-- they actually "sound"
appropriate to the poem (in me mind's ear.)

Not everybody agrees with me over the existence of something called a "poetic voice," but as I mentioned before, I do believe you have a distinct one, and it's getting stronger and stronger.

[Delta40]

Interesting JB - I'm guessing it's a pt 2 to Deckchair?

If so it suggests to me that something's up (down?) with you lately, deeper than just writing about death for the sake of it...

Cheer up sir!

(But write a few more of these first)

Are we to read into the minds of lit-nutters through their poetry? I wonder sometimes but attributing verse to the state of mind of the poet is rather like telling a woman she is angry because of her hormones. What I mean is, it is insulting without meaning to be.

[everyadventure]

Somehow your poems are always unexpected, although I suppose I should expect that from you by now :)