Jestello

[jacob24]

Young Alfred the Scout, scurried along the war stricken land, he carried but a single arrow.

"Jestello Sir, my deepest regrets Sir, to inform you, that this here is our last arrow Sir." said young Alfred.

Jestello took this last arrow and raised his trustworthy long bow up to the heavens. "Fear not! With this here arrow, the eye of their dear King shall be pierced! At which time we shall all retire and see to all the whores and drink all the wine in our village!"

"Hooray for Jestello!" His fellow soldiers cheered him on. ' Oh Jestello the brave! We shall always trust of which you speak!"

Jestello took aim and looked strait down his long arrow towards the king, for whom was perched on top of the highest balcony of the highest castle in all the land.

"Watch, good men, as i.."

"Sorry Jestello Sir' said Young Alfred in the most humblest of voices. 'May I light your arrow with this here flame Sir? Just for luck, Sir"

Jestello turned to him and said "Yes! Noble Young Alfred, for you are truly, the boy of flame!"

The noble soldiers watched on as Young Alfred set the tip of the arrow aflame.

"For the king will feel my fiery wrath!" said Jestello

"Sorry to intrude Jestello sir" Jestello turned, a little curious. "Oh Nigel, speak, good sir!"

"Shouldn't you adjust for wind resistance, Sir?"

"Oh I shall Sir Nigel the Wise, for your judgment shall never be quarreled, Sir"

Jestello pulled his trustworthy long bow inward towards the wind, taking aim once again.

"Stand back, good men, the..."

"Halt Jestello' said the old priest in his deeply respected old withered voice 'I shall pray for you, let my prayers guide your arrow!"

"Oh holy man of god! Thank you for such kindness, my prayers have been answered!" said Jestello. The priest walked slowly towards him and waved his hand as far as he could, in the direction of Jestello.

"The gods are now in your favor!" The priest said finally, to a patiently waiting jestello.

"Thank you, good priest, for you will have but the finest of whores 'tis evening!"

The priest and the other men looked around at each other, confused.

Jestello gave one last look to his comrades before...

"Oh Jestello.."

"Wha...?"

But the arrow had slipped out of his grasp and shot out high up in to the clouds. And then not a word was spoken. Jestello looked around at his men dumbfounded. Whom were also dumbfounded. But the arrow did finally reemerged from the clouds.

"look Jestello, sir, the arrow!" Young Alfred exclaimed.


The flaming arrow sailed down toward the highest castle in all the land and set the dear king aflame!

Jestello raised his powerful fist up the heavens.

"Triumph! Good men, triumph!"

[hillwalker]

I'm not a fan of such contrived dialogue that attempts to copy Shakespeare or whoever else wrote like this.

Unless it is very skillfully done I find it detracts from the story itself - which it did here. And in the end I was expecting a rather different outcome after so many had meddled in the firing of the arrow.

There's potential for a 'Black Adder' type conclusion that could be funnier I feel.

H

[jacob24]

Agreed, I wrote 'Sir' about fifty times, very distracting. I was playing a lot of 'Age of Empires' around this time and trying to have a bit of fun for my first post, would understand if it wasn't at all fun to read. Was hoping to get a few laughs. Thanks for your feedback and patience.

[Bluehound]

With some reworking this could be quite good and it did make me smile in parts.
I think you need to let us know a bit earlier on that its a spoof/comedy so that people don't get switched off by the dialogue and instead can enjoy its over the topness.
Also you need a punchline, how do all the different interferences effect the arrows flight? Does the wind speed adjustment blow out or fan the flames? ect.
Writing should be fun, have fun with a rewrite.

[jacob24]

Will do :smile5: