The Evil Angel

[deguonis]

:angel:
The angel just dropped the glass,
the glass has shattered to pieces;
When something like this comes to pass,
the angel expels his maniac feces.

He's somewhat irked now,
staring at me with hatred
because I call him names,
and I do this because
I oppose his malign aims.
:angel:

[hillwalker]

The curse of rhyme striking again like a virus - it's a shame that you rely on the rhyme scheme to dictate what the poem tells us.

L4 in the first verse was perhaps intended to be humorous, but it doesn't make a great deal of sense - what are 'maniac faeces'???.

It's a lesser problem in v2, but having begun with a 4 line verse rhyming abab you then appear to have given up and written the second stanza as a five liner with just the 3rd and 5th lines rhyming. Inconsistencies like this suggest you'd have done better trying to write without rhyme from the start.

It's a playful, frivolous poem and it made me smile but there's more that can be done to improve its impact.

H

[deguonis]

:blush5:
Thank you, sir.
This attempt of a poem is not truly good.
I wish no one is angry due to the low quality of my poem. I will try to apply your advice so that I get useful results.
Thank you very much indeed.
:)

[Delta40]

I don't think anyone is angry. Maniac faeces made me smile for sure!