Verse Play - Napoleon II

[Alexander III]

It is not that important

[deryk]

As verse, it has a lovely, antiquated, Saturnine-brightness (a bit of an oxymoron, I know). Your most remarkable ability is to frame the dialogue ornately without expediting the movement. Unfortunately, I think this doesn't work quite as well as a play because the action orientation is very subdued, which is why you obviously left it with this particular forum. I delight in the words, but I still am left with a craving for slightly more expedition, knowing it is a play.

[Alexander III]

Anyone else have any thoughts ?

[deryk]

Anyone else have any thoughts ?

You should post this on the regular lit forums to see how long it takes someone to figure out that it was written by you and not some long deceased famous author. :)

[qimissung]

Is it a coming of age story?

I think it works very well as poetry. If it is a play, the wording seems a tad passive. If you want it to be a real play you might try to make it a little more dynamic. Maybe it's just that, where plays are concerned, I'm used to a more modern sensibility, I don't know.

On the whole, though, well done.

[Alexander III]

You should post this on the regular lit forums to see how long it takes someone to figure out that it was written by you and not some long deceased famous author. :)

haha that would be a funny but cruel little experiment.


Is it a coming of age story?

I think it works very well as poetry. If it is a play, the wording seems a tad passive. If you want it to be a real play you might try to make it a little more dynamic. Maybe it's just that, where plays are concerned, I'm used to a more modern sensibility, I don't know.

On the whole, though, well done.


Yes I agree with you it is rather inactive for a play, this is the first play I have written though so I just need to get used to the form and learn how to use it.

[Alexander III]

Gonna give it another shameless bump

[Alexander III]

And another, this is cruel, but for such a long piece I want it to be seen.

[blank|verse]

Yes, this does deserve more praise AIII, if only for the time and effort that must have gone into constructing the lines. Perhaps people don't feel confident commenting on it?

It reminded me of Liberty by the English poet and verse playwright Glyn Maxwell (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Liberty-Oberon-Modern-Plays-Maxwell/dp/1840028696), although Maxwell updates the language, as he has in other plays of his.

And that's the main issue I have with the piece - if this were a poem, I would criticise its use of archaic language and rhetorical devices, so I don't see why it should be any different as a play. I accept that it's written about a historical event (and one I don't know much about, I'll admit) but why not write in contemporary language? I think this makes the piece hamstrung in that it doesn't go beyond pastiche, albeit a very good pastiche.

I thought the monologue from Napoleon was a bit lenghty for an opening scene; is there no way of including more action and showing the audience some, rather than having one character stand there and tell them? (And I found the 'me, myself and I' section rather confusing.) And what about setting up more dramatic tension? The ambition expressed by Napoleon has overtones of Macbeth, but makes him a kind of (tragic?) anti-hero, as it's difficult to really sympathise with him, but maybe that's the point, like Richard III, but there's more dark humour with him.

Still, I don't feel I should be overly critical of what is itself one of the most ambitious and well-executed pieces of writing I've seen posted on the forum.

[Bar22do]

AIII, it's deep night over here and I only now could take some time to read (the closest I could) your praiseworthy attempt at a play! I think the language is neat and you must have worked hard to give this sample control and a certain, dust scented, grace. But NapoleonII's long speeches are kind of slow in revealing the point, they remind me of when we learnt Racine at school (Corneille was easier, though not more concise either!), trudging through text with no incentive... You may remember me telling you how hard it was for me to follow archaic English, but I wanted to honour the work you put in this debut (which I believe is a great exercise indeed). Still I must confess, were it written in today's English, plus with a bit more dynamism, it would have all been more accessible to a foreigner like myself...
Best and thanks for sharing this, Bar

[hillwalker]

I'm presumably one of the ones who chose not to comment because I just did't get anything worthwhile from reading it.

I can appreciate the work that went into its creation - and the skill with which you have crafted quite poetic dialogue in your chosen medium - but I completely failed to engage with it - my failing as a reader not yours as a writer.

H