Midnight Groceries

[everyadventure]

Attentive eggs listen from their grocery sack
on the bucket seat beside me,
an audience of twelve.

I veer around country curves at 60, 70, 80.
My words spill into darkness.
They are oblivious and fragile,
content in their carton.

I imagine the highway glazed in golden yolk,
moonlight illuminating shards of glistening shell
and bone.

Something cracks.

[Delta40]

wonderful! I love the imagery here as you let your imagination 'run' away with you!

[hillwalker]

There's a great build-up of tension in this dark little piece - a rather menacing reaction to the drudgery of shopping for groceries.

Up to your usual standard.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

A dozen good reasons to welcome you back Mis A, I love suburban darkness

[Hawkman]

I generally enjoyed this poem but... yes, sorry about the but. There seems to be a little inconsistancy in your eggs. Can they be both attentive and oblivious?

Apart from this little contradiction, I thought the imagery was sublime :D

Live long and prosper - H

[everyadventure]

@Hawk: good point. It originally read "oblivious to their own fragility," but that felt so WORDY. But now it reads inconsistently... I shall have to put some more thought into my eggs...

[virgo27]

Besides Hawk's point, I think it is a good read. Always enjoy your work.

[julian94]

@Hawk: good point. It originally read "oblivious to their own fragility," but that felt so WORDY. But now it reads inconsistently... I shall have to put some more thought into my eggs...

I am just suggesting if this would work as it seems to fit well with the rhyming pattern in my opinion. In no cricumstances do I say this one is better but I would like to give a personal take on its structure.

"As they are oblivious to their fragility,
being content in their carton."

But before Hawk noted this, I thought they were oblivious in a sense that they are giving attention to the wrong things, thus missing the bigger picture. Like having a tunnel vision

Other than that I love the poem and as hillwalker said, the buildup is very nice. The "dramatic" choice of words works very well too despite the theme as it emphasises the metaphor that you give.

Good job :D.

[PrinceMyshkin]

It feels as if these snoopy eggs are representatives of something rather menacing, and you carry on the metaphor - both on the surface and with the hint of something underneath - all the way through.

[deryk]

I read that last crack as a literal crack of bone. The driver has possibly careened over some poor night jogger and is perhaps uncertain themself. Very suspenseful.

[everyadventure]

@deryk, that eyeball is creeping me out. Is it an elephant? It has a way of following me no matter which way I turn...

[YesNo]

I assume one of the eggs cracked and this was caused by the thoughts expressed in the third stanza which didn't seem too positive toward the eggs seeing the highway covered with yolk.

So, is the message that the thoughts one has could influence things around one?

[everyadventure]

@YesNo, actually, the cracking was symbolic... the speaker has cracked, gone over the edge, lost her marbles, so to speak... a break with reality & reason.

[deryk]

@deryk, that eyeball is creeping me out. Is it an elephant? It has a way of following me no matter which way I turn...

It's not an elephant. It's something much larger. ;)

[everyadventure]

A blue whale? BTW, I just went through a new carwash and now I know PRECISELY how it feels to be eaten by a colossal squid!!

[deryk]

A blue whale? BTW, I just went through a new carwash and now I know PRECISELY how it feels to be eaten by a colossal squid!!

Bingo. Being engulfed and crushed by a colossal squid is my recurring nightmare. I suppose my avatar represents protection from it, seeing as it is the only marine animal large enough to defend against it.

[Bar22do]

Discovered it only now, great vivid poem, with suspense and pain, with soft lyric timber too. Bravo, ea. Best from Bar