Last Minute Request

[Delta40]

At the station
baggage gets stacked high
on idle trolleys.
I reach my carriage, between jets of steam.
You grasp my shoulders from behind
then try to prise my fingers loose.
No! I leap over your pleas to safety.
I pull the blind down as you insist,
We can build something together.

[Hawkman]

Stations always seem to be good for drama! Not exactly "Brief Encounter" this one though, not a tragic parting of twinned souls, more a dash for freedom.

Thiese lines though:

"You grasp my shoulders from behind
then try to prise my fingers loose."

I found a little confusing on my first reading. The action seems a little too contracted. The images they conjour imply struggle, true, but what is the narrator holding on to that the un-named other, from whom the narator is fleeing, tries to loosen the narrator's grip? It may just be me, but I feel a tiny bit of elaboration here might be beneficial.
Line 7 doesn't read as I feel it is intended.

"No! I leap over your pleas to safety."

If there was a comma after pleas the sense would be clearer, i.e. I leap over your pleas, to the saftey of the carriage. As it's written, the pleas are for the narrator to stay safe. This may be what you meant, but if so, the words would seem to be at odds with the actions described.

Still, an interesting and effective piece.

Live long and prosper - H

[Delta40]

Thanks. I ran out of writers ink this morning and this is all I got left.....:-)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Clearly,you are thinking in vivid, dramatic scenes. Well done.

[everyadventure]

Run and don't look back, my little sock friend!!

[Jerrybaldy]

Stations second only to beaches maybe. I guess this was an escape.

[Alexander III]

The station scene is well described and add's a new sense to the events, makes it seem more dramatic so to say. I did find some of the images hard to imagine though like

You grasp my shoulders from behind
then try to prise my fingers loose.

I have no idea what is going on there.

But I like the poem, last line is intriguing.

[deryk]

The images are very vivid and rush immediately to mind. The urgency is deft and the setting is perfect. I loved leaping pleas and the afterthought.