Down Near The River;

[Wendy M]

Spring brings nesting swallows
Down by those old meadows,
Near that cranky old foot bridge
Close to the village of ridge,
Flying over the river frome
Where wild flowers in full bloom

There sits the old thatch cottage
Belongs to Mr Bainbridge,
Nestles amongst old English Roses
And the old gate never closes,
Stands alone in woodland setting
Garden full of flowers bedding;

And up the road in old cow grove
Sits a lovely blue bell, mauve,
Amongst a carpet of prettiest blue
All so rare to touch, so very few
They dance in spring air where a breeze
Have to take care not to sneeze

Singing its spring tune, a song thrush
Keeps ducking in, old gorse bush
Where she lays her eggs in mud lined nest
Whilst she perfects, she feels some unrest
She’ll lay four or five dark spotted colour blue
Her nest is hidden, far out of view

[hillwalker]

More rustic poetry - putting one in mind of Hardy country. Unfortunately you can guess what I'm going to say about the rhyme scheme. It really does your poem no favours when the reader is left holding his/her breath wondering what word you're going to come up with next to maintain end-rhyme.

I also notice there are rather a lot of 'old's - maybe a sign that you need to read your work with a more self-critical eye before posting. But I enjoy this side to your poetry so keep them coming.

H

[Wendy M]

Again your opinion...funny how you immediately see my name and come hunting what i write. if you don't like it...don't read it. if you did not like what you read, why comment? it is simple if you read, don't like, don't comment...

[Hawkman]

Wendy M, Hill isn't just stalking you and ripping your poetry apart. He's trying to help you to write better poetry. You've joined the forum and posted your work for everyone to see, so you must expect that people will read and comment. If you don't want honest critiques then say so when you post. By the way, it is a forum rule that if you wish to post more than one poem in a day you should do so in a single thread. This is a courtesy to other members whose work gets pushed down the page with every new thread.

[hillwalker]

if you don't like it...don't read it. if you did not like what you read, why comment? it is simple if you read, don't like, don't comment...

Rest assured I shall post no more comments about your poems.

H

[blank|verse]

Now, now, children - play nicely! I think hillwalker is being cruel to be kind; it's worth not dismissing his comments entirely. Using an obvious rhyme scheme like this isn't going to be to everyone's taste and it's really up to you to respond objectively if you think someone is wrong to criticise your work. There are moments that need attention. In these lines:

Flying over the river frome
Where wild flowers in full bloom

There sits the old thatch cottage
there's no finite verb in the phrase about the 'wild flowers', so it prompts the question - where wild flowers in full bloom... do what? Likewise with the 'breeze' in these lines:

They dance in spring air where a breeze
Have to take care not to sneeze
Both examples support what hillwalker was suggesting - that the rhyme scheme is dictating the poem too strongly, which is something to be aware of in future.

He's helping really! Keep writing. :)

[PrinceMyshkin]

Again your opinion...funny how you immediately see my name and come hunting what i write. if you don't like it...don't read it. if you did not like what you read, why comment? it is simple if you read, don't like, don't comment...

Of course his opinion! Whose opinion should he express? Read his replies to other people's poems and you might note, if you're objective, that Hillwalker is an astute and careful reader and scrupulously courteous and fair.

[virgo27]

:iagree:

[qimissung]

There is much to like in your poem, Wendy. You paint a lovely picture of an English spring day.

Perhaps the comments are not what you expected to find here, and it's taking you a bit to adjust to it. When we write we become very attached to what we put down on the page. Anne Bradstreet referred to her poems as her children. But when you write, I assume that you wish to become a better writer, and here we are, prepared to help you do that very thing. We all mean well, really we do.

And the beauty of it is you can help us, too! :)

[everyadventure]

The next time you go on a stroll there, may I come along? It sounds lovely!

I think Hillwalker's comments were valuable, but I also enjoyed the picture you painted, so I'm just going to enjoy it for what it is...

[Bar22do]

Wendy, your rustic poem is refreshing and has pleasant moments, but I am with others to reassure you that people here care to help and never try to rip one's work into pieces! Keep posting. Best of all to you, Bar

[Mohammad Ahmad]

Indeed, I am enjoyed in this literary masterpiece, it contains much images closely describing the nature, the immigrant birds such as the swallows when they often come at spring even in our country.
The masterstroke always it has its unique print…
Good luck