Dating.

[MANICHAEAN]

DATING.

Del Boy used to say. “I know how to treat a bird right when I’m on a date and there’s a real steak dinner in it for her!”

But today, what kind of men are we supposed to be? The craze for compartmentalising our gender types has left the average chap floundering.

The feminist revolution has apparently turned men into something called “pre-adults,” lost in a world where women make more money, are more educated and don’t want to settle down.

Then there is of course the “Child Man” theory which is, of course, twaddle. Blokes are genetically immature; it has nothing to do with feminism.

If you move onto the dating landscape, it has become a minefield. And it’s all because men don’t know what you want any more.

Back when I last dated, the ritual was simple. A man asked a girl out using something called his voice. It’s what we had before “Facebook.”

If she agreed, he would choose a venue – either a pub or a Steak House. He would pay the bill and at the end of the night he might even be lucky enough to get off with her and became her boyfriend.

The final status was invariably ascertained at the parting words which varied from: “Can I see you again?” to “Would you like to come in for a coffee,” to “Don’t spoil things, I’m not that sort of girl.”

Fast forward to the 21st century and it seems modern ladies want more.

Apparently for some, pulling out a chair is condescending & then there is the question of who pays the bill? (Or do you go Dutch these days?)

There are so many questions from the man’s perspective:

What is our status? Are we FWB’s (friends with benefits?).

Are we in a relationship?

Are we “an item?”

And while we are on the subject, what the hell is a “cougar” anyway?


When you think of it Adam had it easy!

[Maximilianus]

Adam really must have had it easy, and probably we also would if there were fewer "better picks" around. You know, these dimwit scumbags that resemble a man and who often run with great luck just because they seemingly master a few parlor tricks or some "words of wit" that very usually get them whatever they want, no matter the sort of garbage they really are. Moreover, many women would go like "you know what, I don't need to be rescued, since I am so independent that I can rescue myself, and I am not prepared for a relation, since I have decided to privilege my career." Then, as soon as you blink, you see them falling to pieces for the first piece of garbage that knocks on their door.

Also, I can't help feeling that some of us, regardless of gender and despite being told the opposite, may often be taken for disposable toys (or always, in the worst of cases).

[MANICHAEAN]

I don't know how old you are Max, but I look back and find it laughable how we used to preen ourselves when younger to attract the opposite sex and how awkward we were at conversations & trying to impress.

Never been a toy boy yet! (Too bloody old).

Regards
M.

[OrphanPip]

I've found dating girls in high school much simpler than dating men as an adult, there was less pressure. :p

[Lokasenna]

I'm useless at subtext - I can be out for an evening, and a friend will tell me that such-and-such a person was giving me the eye, or coming on to me. I'll have been completely oblivious.

To be honest, women baffle me. I can never tell what the heck they're thinking, and as you say - the rituals involved in modern courting are bizarre.

The last five people to hit on me have all been guys, which is simultaneously flattering and frustrating - it's nice to be complimented, but I just don't swing that way.

Ah well, one day I'll find a woman who's perfect for me. And after I've pried her out of her straightjacket, we'll be very happy together.

[Paulclem]

Apparently in the noughties 1/8 of American couples met online.

It can't be all bad today.

[OrphanPip]

The last five people to hit on me have all been guys, which is simultaneously flattering and frustrating - it's nice to be complimented, but I just don't swing that way.


You may be frequenting the wrong bars. ;)

[qimissung]

Manichean, really, the thing is that nobody likes the uncertainties of life, but we need to learn to deal with them anyway, and dating of course, is a very uncertain proposition.

I don't think you really need to worry about feminists all that much. Most people like to be treated with respect. If you prefer to act in a more courtly and gentlemanly manner you will be drawn to those women who appreciate that. Try not to fret about those who may or may not. Just try to enjoy each person, moment, and event as best you can and things will come out all right.

As to those first dates, if you are meeting for the first time, keep it simple and inexpensive, and once you're officially going out you can do something more interesting or special. In this day and age you might have to discuss what your expectations are financially, and as to the rest, you will have to play it by ear. :eek2:

I think having a sense of humor will make it all just bearable. That and the occasionally shot of whiskey. :D

[Vonny]

Lokasenna, as you know, you're the most *interesting* and well-rounded skinny person that I've ever come across. (I feel compelled to be much more Descriptive here, and continue for several more paragraphs, but I'll control my exuberance!)

Pretty girls are a dime a dozen, but how you'll ever find anyone who's good enough for you, I have no idea! ...Pippa is the best in England, they say? (I'm not sure. I only saw her on the cover of a magazine. I think Prince Harry complimented her, but he's not so bright.) Anyway, Pippa, whoever she is, wouldn't be nearly good enough for Lokasenna!

Maybe, you could try looking in Iceland again, but next time without Mom (Mum?) on one side of you, and Dad on the other the entire time, because she might be shy, you know, although we don't really use that term anymore. ...And your parents, they are partly who has made you "you," so they do belong in the picture.

Well, when I figure out more, I'll let you know!

[Sarasvati21]

Dating is just weird, and sometimes a serious mess. Men complain that women don't know what they want, but truthfully, men rarely have a clearer picture. People are generally confused and confusing, and getting two together successfully through their issues is a challenge. Dating is a strange and somewhat entertaining ritual.

Anyway, I maintain that chivalry isn't dead; I like it when my date opens doors for me and offers to pay for my dinner. ...This could be why I'm still single :P

[Vonny]

I'm sorry Lokasenna. I shouldn't have done this again. I meant it, but ... again it was inappropriate.

[JuniperWoolf]

Hmm, actually I've never, not once, been on a date. I always thought that it was an out-dated custom (no pun intended), the whole "would you like to go to dinner," "I'd better wear something pretty," "should I kiss her on the doorstep" formal and horribly awkward situation. The way it seems to happen is, I find that I like that one, we talk to one another usually in a big group of people (like at a house party, or outside) and get to hanging out. Nothing formal and ridiculous, just normal stuff like what you'd do with a friend. I think maybe that's because I live in a small town. Once someone who just moved here called me and asked me out on a "date," and I laughed at him and told him to just come over to Rosie's place and stop being lame.

[Emil Miller]

The last five people to hit on me have all been guys, which is simultaneously flattering and frustrating - it's nice to be complimented, but I just don't swing that way.

Ah well, one day I'll find a woman who's perfect for me. And after I've pried her out of her straightjacket, we'll be very happy together.

Well you could always use Rex Harrison's reply in Staircase when called before a magistrate for wearing women's clothes: "There's nothing pouffy about me."

Even if you were to find a woman who matched your idea of perfection, it doesn't follow that happiness would ensue. It only happened to me once but she was already married.


...well-rounded skinny person

An oxymoron ?

[L€lä RËmØ MÅðçÂ]

DATING.

Del Boy used to say. “I know how to treat a bird right when I’m on a date and there’s a real steak dinner in it for her!”

But today, what kind of men are we supposed to be? The craze for compartmentalising our gender types has left the average chap floundering.

The feminist revolution has apparently turned men into something called “pre-adults,” lost in a world where women make more money, are more educated and don’t want to settle down.

Then there is of course the “Child Man” theory which is, of course, twaddle. Blokes are genetically immature; it has nothing to do with feminism.

If you move onto the dating landscape, it has become a minefield. And it’s all because men don’t know what you want any more.

Back when I last dated, the ritual was simple. A man asked a girl out using something called his voice. It’s what we had before “Facebook.”

If she agreed, he would choose a venue – either a pub or a Steak House. He would pay the bill and at the end of the night he might even be lucky enough to get off with her and became her boyfriend.

The final status was invariably ascertained at the parting words which varied from: “Can I see you again?” to “Would you like to come in for a coffee,” to “Don’t spoil things, I’m not that sort of girl.”

Fast forward to the 21st century and it seems modern ladies want more.

Apparently for some, pulling out a chair is condescending & then there is the question of who pays the bill? (Or do you go Dutch these days?)

There are so many questions from the man’s perspective:

What is our status? Are we FWB’s (friends with benefits?).

Are we in a relationship?

Are we “an item?”

And while we are on the subject, what the hell is a “cougar” anyway?


When you think of it Adam had it easy!


A cougar is not an a, it is a description. Its what you say to someone who is flirting with someone.

I totally like the whole idea of NOT dating through Facebook. I think Facebook washes the minds of people so they become bigger jerks, and also share perverted stories. BLECH.

[Vonny]

Emil, you know nothing about a woman's idea of perfection.

You know what Lokasenna? Here's the truth. What you need right now, until you find the one who is *meant* for you, is a woman a few years older than you, who can afford to take you out.

And trust me, you can get her easily, no prying required. (I'm speaking in general terms here, but this is something I feel pretty confident about.)

Then you can let Emil know what ensues for you, if you can find the words to describe it.

I'll add, it's not just the way you look, but the whole package.

[Propter W.]

As far as I know, people here generally don't date unless they're already together. I think dating is an American thing. It certainly not common here. We just meet people in the pub, in school, at work or at parties, anywhere basically. When there's a click you either end up kissing the girl (or more) or you decide to meet again later. This will usually be at another party or in a pub and usually with your or her band of friends, or both.

Oh, and if a girl gets offended when I pull out a chair, pay for dinner or open a door for her, she's probably not the type of woman I want to spend a lot of time with.

[Emil Miller]

Emil, you know nothing about a woman's idea of perfection.

You know what Lokasenna? Here's the truth. What you need right now, until you find the one who is *meant* for you, is a woman a few years older than you, who can afford to take you out.

And trust me, you can get her easily, no prying required. (I'm speaking in general terms here, but this is something I feel pretty confident about.)

Then you can let Emil know what ensues for you, if you can find the words to describe it.

I'll add, it's not just the way you look, but the whole package.

Lokasenna's probably keeping his head well below the parapet following this latest salvo but if he manages to overcome his embarrassment, I would be fascinated to read his reply.

[Helga]

I like this subject cause it has been on my mind lately. here on the ice you have to be out drinking to get someone to notice you. I go to cafes and I see cute guys but no one talks to each other. I don't go to bars and rarely drink so I don't see that many new people. not that I complain, I enjoy being alone but for the first time since my break-up last summer I simply don't want to be alone, I am happy I just don't want to be alone. Anyway the last guy who hid on me was at a graduation party and he walked home with me, he was going to the local pub that is on the way to my my house and he asked if I was going to invite him to sleep over, I said no mainly because earlier that night he had asked my brother what kind of man he would let his sister have kids with! a very disgusting guy!

Anyway, I can see when a guy is checking me out but they never act on it, and I am not one to take the first step. if you ask couples here where they met 95% of them would tell you it was at some club. well that's life on the ice

[Vonny]

Emil, I haven't meant to embarrass anyone. That's all.

[MANICHAEAN]

Dear LMA
You have me at a disadvantage when you state that "A cougar is not an a, it is a description." If there is no indefinite article, how exactly do you use it?

"She is cougar?"

"She is cougar-like, cougarish?"

[Scheherazade]

A cougar is not an a, it is a description. Its what you say to someone who is flirting with someone.

I totally like the whole idea of NOT dating through Facebook. I think Facebook washes the minds of people so they become bigger jerks, and also share perverted stories. BLECH.OK, I am thinking something is not exactly right we get dating advice from an eleven year-old.


:smilewinkgrin:

[Veho]

I'm not a big fan of dates. I find them awkward beyond words and usually boring, which is probably my own fault for going out with guys who are all wrong for me. The problem is that I don't know anyone with the same interests as me. I don't know anyone who has picked up a book since highschool or who'd prefer to go to the theatre than go drinking in the local pub.

[TheChilly]

Dating is just weird, and sometimes a serious mess. Men complain that women don't know what they want, but truthfully, men rarely have a clearer picture. People are generally confused and confusing, and getting two together successfully through their issues is a challenge. Dating is a strange and somewhat entertaining ritual.

Anyway, I maintain that chivalry isn't dead; I like it when my date opens doors for me and offers to pay for my dinner. ...This could be why I'm still single :P

Then again, both men and women dating are not EXACTLY sure of what they want. I'm not dating currently and don't see myself doing or even trying to do so. Education and life first.

[qimissung]

Yeah, it's kind of hard to meet people when you don't hang out with anyone, although I'm sure it's a more organic way to get to know someone than dating is. :D

And I think a cougar is an older woman who dates younger men. Why they would want to do this, I do not know. :out:

[MANICHAEAN]

Dear gimissung

Thank you for the explanation of what a cougar is. George Burns in his 90's used to say that he played around with young women, as he could not find any his own age! Would that make him a "panther?"

"Organic dating!" Now that a new one on me. Must give it a try.

M.

[Bluehound]

It does seem that dating is something only old marrieds like me do now, I love my Friday night dinner dates with my Husband, its great fun to get dressed up and go out somewhere new.
I hope the younguns will take it up when they get older, it would be a shame for it to die out altogether.

And as far as I know I believe a cougar is someone of 40 or more who dates younger men, a panther is someone of 35 + who is in training to be a cougar :)

[Scheherazade]

Interesting, though, isn't it, that there are terms for older women but how about older men? Isn't it a more common occurance for older men to date younger women?

What do we call them?

(Apart from "lucky", of course! :p)

[OrphanPip]

Cradle robber?

In the gay community they might be called a chicken hawk, but this also has the connotation that they date underage teens (it's also considered derogatory).

[Bluehound]

(Apart from "lucky", of course! :p)

Lucky and Loaded I expect :)
:auto::ladysman::coolgleamA:


Although there is probly a little more to it, maybe successfully men give off more pheromones or something ?

[Scheherazade]

maybe successfully men give off more pheromones or something ?As opposed to successful women just giving?

[prendrelemick]

Interesting, though, isn't it, that there are terms for older women but how about older men? Isn't it a more common occurance for older men to date younger women?

What do we call them?

(Apart from "lucky", of course! :p)


In former times they were Sugar Daddies. How society has changed since then.

[Vonny]

As opposed to successful women just giving?

If I'm the one who inspired this older woman/younger man issue, I feel quite awful. :sad: My brother has always told me to stay off forums and to never put my photos on the internet because I could be exploited, and so suddenly I realized that what I was doing to a person who's mainly interested in study, was really wrong... when, what makes him *interesting* is the fact that he's interested in his studies and not this yucky scenario.

[OrphanPip]

In former times they were Sugar Daddies. How society has changed since then.

Wouldn't a sugar daddy have to specifically economically support the younger partner, this seems more specific than just dating a younger person.

[qimissung]

I believe you're correct, OP.

There's actually a dating web site called Sugar Daddies.

[Buh4Bee]

claw marks and coffee breath?

:lol::lol::lol:

[Brock]

I've also heard the word "cougs" to describe the busts of women (eg. "Hey, look at those awesome cougs!"). Not sure if this has some sort of connection with the cougar/panther lingo..