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Dark Muse
05-16-2011, 12:37 AM
Moon Faced Beauty

Where has she gone?
my sullen beauty,
who haunted me so
through the long endless nights,
where once she taunted
with her alluring light
which shone above all
in the isolated darkness.

But no longer may we be
so alone to share in our secret
fears and whispered desires,
she no less a mystery has become
shy, perhaps pulsing with envy
that she is no longer the only
vessel of light.

She abstains to compete
with artificiality of a world
which is aglow in neon colors,
unnatural but tantalizing,
screaming they announce
themselves, boasting their trivialities
they have no secrets to hide
they conceal nothing.

Now she has become coy
and denies me her presence,
no longer will she slyly
and cunningly reveal herself
to peek through my windows
at night and reach out to
penetrate into my dreams.

In a world which seems
to be so alive, and the deafening
silence banished by the sounds
of midnight melodies and drunken laughter,
when no longer the darkness is so
complete that it seems to render me
obsolete and swallows me whole
leaving me surprised every morning
when I still wake, I never have before
felt more forsaken.

And how I would trade it all in,
sacrifice that dazzling light,
vanquish the spectacle of towering
skyscrapers, and retreat to the farthest
corners of the Earth, if only you will
again show me your rising moon face.

libernaut
05-16-2011, 11:13 PM
this made me even sadder than i already am. but at least i can appreciate something now.

virgo27
05-17-2011, 10:08 PM
I felt it was too verbose. The language was too decadent, could use some trimming. Try Weight watchers- it works. hahaha!

Dark Muse
05-17-2011, 10:10 PM
I felt it was too verbose. The language was too decadent, could use some trimming. Try Weight watchers- it works. hahaha!

Some people prefer voluptuousness

virgo27
05-17-2011, 10:19 PM
:lol::lol::lol:

kittypaws
05-17-2011, 11:43 PM
Dark Muse....I have stood in those exact shoes, staring into the black sky ....

I personally think this could be trimmed down some, especially stanza 3 & 4.......LOL! I am struggling to write so who am I .....but so you know, I did relate and appreciate your poem.

kittypaws

Dark Muse
05-17-2011, 11:48 PM
Thank you!

MystyrMystyry
05-18-2011, 12:27 AM
Astonishing Dark - so lush, rich, and sensual

There really should be a Complete Works of Dark Muse in every library

Dark Muse
05-18-2011, 12:28 AM
Astonishing Dark - so lush, rich, and sensual

There really should be a Complete Works of Dark Muse in every library

LOL well I will have to be dead for it to be a complete works, but thank you

YesNo
05-18-2011, 09:20 AM
I liked the message, assuming I understood it correctly. As I read it, the moon could represent a deeper reality that is forgotten when the trivialities of the day appear, but is later missed when one regrets not being faithful to it. Or the moon could represent a lover who has been left behind and now is missed. The hurt feelings of the moon are especially nice. One doesn't usually think of deeper reality having such feelings, but that association might make the message more interesting.

A writer could present such a message to the reader in various ways. I found it interesting the way you presented it since the first two stanzas almost sounded metrical. This may or may not have been your intent, but it is what kept me re-reading it.

Alexander III
05-18-2011, 12:32 PM
I liked the message and the theme of the poem, the ida behind it was rather beautiful. But as much as I like voluptuousness I agree with Virgo, this could use a bit of weight watchers. Particularly at the top.