Two very small poems

[Sano]

I.

how much longer
has your hair grown
since we last met?
I remember
the crescent moon
and western wind
bringing to me
your laughs and sighs

II.

stopping to grow for a while:
the crescent moon
and my fingernails

(P.S.: Yes, I know, my poems are very short and mundane, in a sense. The second poem is actually more representative of my poems as a whole than the first. I just feel more "right" doing it that way. Maybe that's the thing they call style?)

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Nice.

[Sano]

Nice.

Thanks! :)

[Jack of Hearts]

They're interesting and in part elegant. You owe it to yourself to explore further because this reader sees that this is heading good places.




J

[hillwalker]

What you're saying is that you have found your 'voice' and are comfortable with it. So don't invite negative criticism by adding a needless explanation for being brief.

The second of these two poems is really very good.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I cannot say that there was enough of this second poem for me to enter into and live inside of it, but I thought the first was beautiful and the spareness was an essential part of that beauty.

[Hawkman]

I too found them pleasing reads. The second is almost a haiku. However, I'm not sure you can say, "western wind" West wind is ok, as is Westerly wind. But, "Western wind" has connotations of cowboys and shootouts, which I'm not sure is intended. :)

Live long and prosper - H

[Alexander III]

I liked them, am I wrong to assume that you have been influenced by Matsuo Basho?

[blank|verse]

Yes, there's something very haiku-like about both poems, Sano; they're both nice pieces and clearly linked.

The second is intriguing - why would both things 'stop to grow'? It seems contradictory, but is possibly explained by the absence of the addressee (lover?). The shape of the crescent moon and the fingernail links them together and maybe there's more you could have made of this (although I have heard the comparison before). Good stuff.