Sometimes I Think

[Steven Hunley]

Sometimes I Think
By
Steven Hunley



Sometimes I think

Our love-affair was inflated as easily as children’s soap bubbles and just as immature

Buoyed upward by sensuous adventures, then promises, then whispered words

We soared

Drifting on gusts of Great Expectations, and like poor Pip always begging, “For more.”

And in the end, our erotic affair, as easily burst

Staining the tapestry of our lives.

[AuntShecky]

Hey, Steven's switching genres!

I hope you'll continue to grace us w. your entertaining short stories, but I'm glad you're trying poetry.This venture into verse isn't bad, but remember to watch out for abstractions:

Buoyed upward by sensuous adventures, then promises, then whispered words

"Buoyed" works well with "soared" and the wind gusts in the later lines.

And "staining the fabric of our lives" sounds a little too much like the ads for the Cotton Industry.

The more specific the imagery, such as the allusion to Great Expectations, the better the line.


I'd re-do the title. "Sometimes I Think" makes us wonder what you're doing during other times. (Even though in your particular case we all know that the synapes are jumping every waking moment.)

[Jack of Hearts]

Hello Legend,

Welcome to the other side of the fence.




J

[virgo27]

Haha! I like it!

[hillwalker]

Moving to the 'Dark Side' takes immense courage. Glad to see you on here, and I thought the bubbles metaphor worked very well.

H

[Delta40]

Hi Steve and welcome. I like the bubbles analogy. The bursting effect, the stain on our lives....

[DocHeart]

My friend,

Make sure you never wash that stain away.

My regards,
DH

[Steven Hunley]

You all deserve a marble-topped table in Paris. I'm overwhelmed, that's what I am. What a wonderful welcome. Thank you all.

[blank|verse]

There's some invention with the simile, Steven, but the lines themselves could do with some work. They need a more definite rhythm and structure. If you're coming from prose writing and haven't read much poetry, that's probably the best thing to do, (ie. read more poetry) because there's definitely some promise here - and you seem to have some fans!

To be honest, I didn't like the intertextual reference - and wouldn't have liked it even if you'd got the right Dickens character (it was Oliver Twist who asked for more).

Guess I'm not invited to Paris then... :)

[everyadventure]

Ooo, a poem by Popeye! Thanks for sharing!

[Jerrybaldy]

I too was a bit confused by the Pip/Oliver mix up, but enjoyed your poem and in particular the staining of the tapestry by the bursting of the bubble.