Sunny Morning

[PerGessle]

Sunny Morning

I woke up in the morning. A splendid sun
Suffused the window drape which, among
Tangled flowers, was sustained gently
By a playful wind scented of lily.

Beyond the panes, below the cloudscape,
Mellow April dreams of wine and grape.
Light air drained the hustles of the street.
A leading grannie, a boy and his toddling feet.

In this world of sun and shadows,
In this spring sporting tilted willows,
I can not forget love looming in the future,
Nor my pang of tear-smeared pleasure.

[hillwalker]

A refreshing portrait of an early summer's morning.

It might benefit from a little tightening - I don't think the opening line needs 'I woke up in the morning'. Because the rest of the poem is so much better.

H

[Sano]

I liked this poem very much. And I don't agree with hillwalker - for me, that opening line is almost like an introduction, and I feel that in a way it is as if the rest of the poem "flows" from that simple, common line. I think the poem is great as it is.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I'm afraid I don't get the "pang of tear-smeared pleasure," but I did appreciate the rest of this, the flow of images, the unassertive quality of the rhymes.

[PerGessle]

Thank you, prince, hillwalker and sano, for all of your comments.

The piece is marred by an imitation of Nabokov's supreme poem of <Provence> in tone and shade, though I do feel genuine delight at recalling that morning. Of course, it is far from immaculation, for instance, the last 2 lines are a bit too obvious in logical twists, and the line of "light air drained ...street" fits bad with the neighboring limpidities.

Any way, I like the scholistic atmosphere of this forum. Please criticize me heavily if you want to. I am desperately struggling with English Literature -my sweetest love in the domain of hobbies and diversions; and sharp and informative advices and opinions are most welcomed.

Or do you guys know other forums focusing on Literature and Academics such as Natural Sciences and Technologies or general Humanities or Social Sciences?

Thank you very much.

[IceM]

I'm of no service regarding your querries of other forums.

In regards to the poem, it had a very idyllic touch. I enjoyed it thoroughly, although the last two lines of your first stanza seemed perhaps a bit indulgent. Your rhyme scheme seemed natural throughout, yet the first two lines didn't match the beauty of your overall poem. "Playful wind scented of lily" was off-putting.

I did enjoy the poem. Your use of meter (unless I misread, you have a few iambs misplaced) was artistic and indicative, and representative, of your successful attempt to portray a moment that, while structured, has beauty that transcends it, creating a lively atmosphere in your work. Well done.

[XQZ]

Nice one

[Jerrybaldy]

great naturalism