Biggus
05-10-2011, 09:01 AM
THE LOCAL CHEMIST
A pub landlord
Is just a pharmacist
With a more limited
Inventory list
SAY IT AS IT IS
Velveteen isn’t Velvet
And Sateen isn’t silk
A sours ear isn’t a purse
And UHT isn’t milk
LOST PROPERTY INQUIRY
“Good morning,
Is that lost property?
I have misplaced some articles
Could you possibly help me?
The last time I had them?
Was on a train to Waterloo
Traveling from Rowland’s Castle
I think it was the 9.22
The items are of particular import,
The first item was my heart,
Which has been returned,
In a state of disrepair, but it’s a start
Other articles include, my dignity,
My self respect, have you seen them at all?
What about my back bone
Or perhaps you have found my balls”
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING
You can wear an ankle bracelet
And have piercings through your bits
You can even have a tramp stamp
But don’t go messing with your tits
You can wear a thong up your bum
You can remove every hair you’ve grown
You can show everyone your belly
But please leave your tits alone
I’ll admit they’re not the biggest
But you have the perfect little pair
I don’t want you to look like Jordan
With two footballs hanging there
Your breasts were made by nature
And by definition they are perfection
I don’t want a surgeon Frankenstein
Messing with your lovely confections
PARTY ANIMAL
I went to a party
And I really dressed to kill
A werewolf and a full moon
Seemed to fit the bill
PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE
Here is an important life tip
That will help you like as not
If you see a lot, take a few
If you see a few, take the lot
A pub landlord
Is just a pharmacist
With a more limited
Inventory list
SAY IT AS IT IS
Velveteen isn’t Velvet
And Sateen isn’t silk
A sours ear isn’t a purse
And UHT isn’t milk
LOST PROPERTY INQUIRY
“Good morning,
Is that lost property?
I have misplaced some articles
Could you possibly help me?
The last time I had them?
Was on a train to Waterloo
Traveling from Rowland’s Castle
I think it was the 9.22
The items are of particular import,
The first item was my heart,
Which has been returned,
In a state of disrepair, but it’s a start
Other articles include, my dignity,
My self respect, have you seen them at all?
What about my back bone
Or perhaps you have found my balls”
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING
You can wear an ankle bracelet
And have piercings through your bits
You can even have a tramp stamp
But don’t go messing with your tits
You can wear a thong up your bum
You can remove every hair you’ve grown
You can show everyone your belly
But please leave your tits alone
I’ll admit they’re not the biggest
But you have the perfect little pair
I don’t want you to look like Jordan
With two footballs hanging there
Your breasts were made by nature
And by definition they are perfection
I don’t want a surgeon Frankenstein
Messing with your lovely confections
PARTY ANIMAL
I went to a party
And I really dressed to kill
A werewolf and a full moon
Seemed to fit the bill
PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE
Here is an important life tip
That will help you like as not
If you see a lot, take a few
If you see a few, take the lot