Photo Perspectives

[Delta40]

You cringe at the photo
I framed as a gift.
An' I even wrapped it 'specially for you.

Ugh! Those were terrible years for me.

but they were the fondest times of my life!

Just look at my hair!

But I liked to pull it
when it tickled my nose.
My fingers knotted in your strength.

My teeth were absolutely awful!

But my heart warmed when I
caught a glimpse of grey decay
in your mouth like happy flashes
of your maternal love for me.

I looked so fat back then!

How comfortable it was
to be bouncing at your side
connected to the core of my very existence.

Just look at that smoke hanging out of my mouth!

But I loved the wafting clouds round you.
I buried my face in sweet Mummy stink
and drifted off to sleep,
knowing I slept on the safest hip in the world.

What on earth made you put this horrid photo in a frame?

©

[Jack of Hearts]

Queen Kookaburra,

There are both overlapping themes and harmonius voices in your latest offerings, not to mention intriguing concepts (such as false shelter and different perspectives of the self at different stages of life.) This is getting terribly arty and very interesting to read.






J

[Delta40]

I may have not structured it so well as I hoped. Firstly I should have named it Photo Angles.

A picture of a mother with two kids on her lap concerns herself with all her flaws while the child revels in the secureness they felt at the time.

[Hawkman]

I think this is a cracking poem, Delta, although it took me a couple of readings to get the sense of the conversation. It might help if the mother's comments were separated by stanza breaks, but that's just a suggestion. I think there are some eternal truths communicated in this piece. :)

Live and be well - H

[Delta40]

Thanks Hawk. Do the line breaks help readers a bit more?

[MystyrMystyry]

In place of Mr Hawk I would say they do if I could
I suppose I can because I'm here and this is what I'm doing
But as for the whole thing I think it's beyond reckoning
There's a quality - a slice from reality - over which I'm still chewing

[hillwalker]

The line breaks help - and I found the conversational style worked well.

Not sure about 'grey decay' though - I'm put in mind more of zombiehood than motherhood (although I understand what it's meant to be referring to).

H

[Delta40]

lol. I'm sure alot of mums have 'meth mouth' and their kids still love them...

[PrinceMyshkin]

There are a couple of lines in this, such as "I slept on the safest hip in the world" and at least one another that are the purest gold and ending with that question - the answer to which is screamingly obvious - is a stroke of genius!!!!.

[MystyrMystyry]

An' should be and - the reader otherwise has to think that it's and, to make it colloquial you have to abbreviate longer words

In cliches like fishnchips, rocknroll you can get away with it

This is a queasy piece, one which squeezes out a certain latent snobbery - I was accosted by a cow outside the supermarket near dinner time a couple of years ago for the favour of collecting her 3 dollar scratchy winnings from the newsagent which she couldn't re-enter due to an argument with the lady

I saw her pram and glistening snot-nosed horror within, and another snarling urchinous looking waif-demon, and refused for obvious reasons: I couldn't have cared less about her or her brats, and nor did she - bad luck brats


(did you really need to know this?)

[Delta40]

I haven't slept since 4am yesterday. It's now 6.30am today, so my mind is screwed MM. What the hell are you talking about? :yikes:

[L€lä RËmØ MÅðçÂ]

oh this was just funny yet fabulously ironic. And fabously written. Weelll done!

[deryk]

The form of the poem complements the occasion. The interjections were a nice adhesive for your scrap book, but I think the proper stanzas began to fray under the "overexposure" to the transitions.
I've destroyed so many such photos.
Better to invent memory than submit to its cruelties. :)

[Delta40]

Not sure what you mean Deryk. It's not listed amongst my best works and now I have hit a peak folks, it's all downhill from here...

[deryk]

Not sure what you mean Deryk. It's not listed amongst my best works and now I have hit a peak folks, it's all downhill from here...

I mean the fragmentation works well for the theme of bad photo-ops but not as well for the poetics. The exclamatory remarks are great, but there's something about the rest of the form that's deflecting me that I can't piece together.

[Delta40]

thanks. I can live with that. It WAS a pretty bad photo actually....

[IceM]

This works for me as a poem casting aside superficial appearances for metaphysical enjoyment. Some of the images given on behalf of the child speaker--"connected to the core of my very existence," "sweet Mummy stink,"--are just briliant, and give the touch of artistry that good poetry has.

That being said, the mother's dialogue didn't do much for me. I understand its role, how it's almost a jazz-esque call-and-response that contributes to the poem's effectiveness. It also asserts the contrast between superficial and metaphysical satisfaction, but it seemed just a tad bit superificial for me. Even the most self-conscious of mothers can temporarily overlook a minor flaw in appearance to relive the moment.

[Delta40]

You're probably right Ice. There are no self concious flaws in my poem Mummy...