Hardy country

[Wendy M]

Hardy country

A nightingale
At Cranborne Chase
Sings a sonnet, sits on a branch

A little cottage
In Marsh wood vale
Nestles amongst trees in a pasture

A blue bell
In a Dorset meadow
Sits so pretty in a carpet of many

A shepherd
On Eggardon Hill
Tends his sheep, grazing on a ridge

A song thrush
In Piddle woods
Makes a nest so she can hatch her eggs

A short time
At St Juliot Rectory
Thomas met she, a pair of blue eyes

A tiny room
At Higher Bockhampton
Mr Hardy wrote his very first poems

[Delta40]

I like the structure of your poem Wendy. I would consider editing:

sits on a branch rather than sat

edit meadow in S2 or S3 so they don't sound so repetitive

Thomas met she, a pair of blue eyes, doesn't really run as smooth as the rest of your poem.

I particularly like your use of locations for the reader to drum up any amount of imagery.

[Wendy M]

Thank you so much Delta40 for your constructive critique! I have changed a couple of things, not sure at the present what to do with 'Thomas met she, a pair of blue eyes'...as you know was his first wife Emma! Yes the locations are all true to his novels, but of course these are the real names I use, I live near by to his house, so it is quite handy to research! Any one who knows of his works and has researched will know these little places in the Vale.....

WM

[Delta40]

What about 'met her (verb here) blue eyes'

[Wendy M]

It could work I guess! but she was known as 'A pair of blue eyes'....that is her how everyone knows of her, it was the verse her wrote of her...

I will maybe change it to that, will think on that one and try it tomorrow.

Thank you for the idea Delta40, much appreciated :)

[Delta40]

Thomas discovered a pair of blue eyes

[hillwalker]

You have chosen a wonderfully inspirational topic - but have no doubt discovered in the last two stanzas how sometimes the words just don't fit into the natural rhythm of the piece the way you'd like them to.

Unless you call Thomas 'Tom' (which is rather disrespectful) it's not going to be easy weaving an elegant line to match that 'pair of blue eyes'.

Similarly 'Mr. Hardy' in the last line of the final stanza reads a little awkwardly - personally I'd omit that entire stanza since this piece is more like an elegy - highlighting the role of nature and the Wessex countryside in his poetry rather than giving us snippets of biography.

If you can rework that penultimate stanza I reckon this is going to end up as the best you've posted on here..... so far.

H

[Wendy M]

Hello Hillwalker

I have read and taken into account what you are saying and funny enough, I agree, I don't know why i used those last two Stanza...but I will work at it later and take out the last two stanza and re-write them.....I was trying to give little snippets of this area that was an inspiration to TH....and got lost a bit at the end!

Thank you so much again for your fair critique, it is always most welcome..

Wendy