cries

[Riesa]

fortitude
left

[Delta40]

very short. Too abrupt for me to appreciate it poetically, unless I read fortitude as a 'on your left' road sign.

[Riesa]

exactly.

[MystyrMystyry]

You should justify it so it looks like a roadsign

[blank|verse]

Short,
sweet?

[Alexander III]

Hmm, I see the almost haiku effect you are going for, but I don't think it works here. It is not necessarily the shortness of the poem, there are two word poem which can be great. But these poems rely upon images to convey an unsayable emotion or human sensation. By using two abstract and unconcrete words instead of creating a solid image you use the unsayable to convey the unsayable which doesn't work.

Here is a poem by Ezra Pound:

In a Station of the Metro

THE apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough.



Do you see how he uses that one short solid tangible image to convey the unsayable. See words are abstract things in themselves and cannot be used to communicate the unsayable, however an image which is not abstract but real can convey the unsayable trough the means of everything connected with that image which creates an effect in the reader namely it communicates between the poet and the reader the unsayable.

[Alexander III]

just bumping this so Riesa can see my comment

[Delta40]

I don't get it. Do you mean that this works as well?


On a rollercoaster without belts

[L€lä RËmØ MÅðçÂ]

Maybe it does, but i just went EH?! at this. It's ok, but rushed. It seems as if you have no mood. SET one please.

[Alexander III]

I don't get it. Do you mean that this works as well?


On a rollercoaster without belts

Well "On a rollercoaster without belts" is definitely stronger than the above poem, but then again it doesn't give much as well.

When you read that line, you have the image in your head of a person or people on a rollercoaster with belts - does that image through subconscious association have attached with it any strong emotions or senses? Probably not. But with a true strong image as with the Ezra Pound poem I posted above it conveys more than could have been described through description. I know it is a bit paradoxical using words to say what words can't say, but that is kind of the beauty in it, surpassing the natural limitation of words, with words.

[Delta40]

Mmmm. will have to ponder that one for a while. I like the use of words to speak the non words though.

[deryk]

I mistakenly thought your signature was part of the poem, originally.

You are now breathing manually.

Poem or T-shirt? You decide.

[Riesa]

oh, I love you, silly addicts. poetry is ridiculous and useless, and as much as you point and grin at it, there really is nothing to it. sometimes it makes you hear or see, or feel. then it might be worth your quarter.

[everyadventure]

You know what, I really like this. Maybe it can't earn the title of "poem" since it's so short, but it spoke to me, so I appreciated you posting it.

(PS I got the same lectures from LitNet when I posted this one (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=59794). Ah, well.)