Fear

[Hawkman]

I can’t go on the boards tonight,
The butterflies have taken flight
The greasepaint roars, the people smell,
I’m really feeling far from well.
Can’t anybody see my plight?

Such gibberish the writers write,
Although I’ve tried with all my might
To master lines composed in hell,
I can’t go on.

My legs are lead, my head is light,
The footlight’s glare denies me sight
My palms are sweaty, fingers swell;
Oh lord! is that the first act bell?
Just look at me, my hair’s turned white;
I can’t go on...

[MystyrMystyry]

Good Hawk, that even sang like a song - like an old rocker casting off his addictions and having to accept that the confidence came from beneath the cork

I can hear it set to music - it would have a Rock'n'Roll Suicide by Bowie quality

[Delta40]

Yes one can really feel the actor fidgeting nervously in the wings, waiting for his cue.

[hillwalker]

You've captured stage fright brilliantly, and the end rhymes are witty yet not overly obtrusive despite your only having two.

H

[Alexander III]

I like what you did with the piece and for the most part you deliver the sensation well, but I have two suggestions

Firstly I think this line "The butterflies have taken flight" was a good idea with the notion of butterflies in my stomach, but from an imagist point of view it doesn't work. The image is serene and delightful which is in total contrast to the other images in the poem and the apparent intent of the sensation you are trying to create.

Also I don't find the rhyming works particularly well, they make the poem appear flippant and the reader is unsure weather this is a light-hearted satire or a realistic poem about stage-fright.

Aside from those two quips the poem works

[PrinceMyshkin]

It's great fun as far as it goes - but does it go far enough? There is something about the full-throated panic that seemed to be setting me up for a reversal of sorts, or else some disaster as great as or even greater than the narrator anticipated.

[Hawkman]

MM: Thanks and I'm glad you were able to pick up on the musicality in keeping with the origins of the form and read that little bit extra into it. :)

Delta: Cheers: very happy it works for you.

Hill: Thanks to you too for appreciating the spirit of the poem.

A3: I think your reaction to the butterflies may be a little subjective. A single butterfly might be serene but in context, clouds of them appear chaotic to me :D I'm sorry you don't like the rhyming, but the poem is meant to be a light satire and the formal scheme of the rondeau does impose certain constraints. Still, I'm glad you were able to appreciate it despite your reservations :)

Prince: Thanks for enjoying the fun. Yes I agree, a volta would have been nice, but is it actually necessary? Again, the strictures of the form really preclude one when the poem has to end with a refrain comprised from the first half of the opening line. To have made things even worse for the poor narrator might seem to be cruel and unusual punishment :D

Thank you all for reading and commenting.

Live long and prosper - H

[AuntShecky]

"Butterflies" in terms of stage fright are usually described as "butterflies in the stomach"-- "nerves." But here they've taken flight.

So , despite the "sweaty palms"it might not be merely a case of opening night jitters that is preventing the performer from taking the stage, but a different kind of fear. Maybe he's concerned about his own personal safety, as in the ill-fated multi-million $ Spiderman musical, a fiasco in which so many actors underwent physical injuries. Or perhaps there's a dispute with the contract, and sheer anger is what's making him essentially go "on strike."

Can't be much of a trouper-- or a veteran --can he? After all, the "show must go on," right?

He ought to read Beckett's famous line. The playwright himself liked it so much he used it more than once: "I can't go on. I'll go on."

[Hawkman]

Hi Auntie, maybe I should have ended with an elipsis, leaving the implication that he went on anyway - and died! :D

Via con Dios - H

[AuntShecky]

maybe I should have ended [. . .] leaving the implication that he went on anyway - and died! :D

- H
You mean "died" literally or "died," like a comic whose material falls flat?

PS I forgot to add kudos for your attempting to
try a rondeau. A tough one, technically speaking,
but you handled the form masterfully.

[Hawkman]

Thanks Again Auntie. The rondeau isn't nearly so difficult as the villanelle :D as for your querey - either/or and even possibly both! :D

Watch out for wild cabbages - H

[Jerrybaldy]

it caught the moment hawk and to MM's Bowie reference surely it should be cracked actor :)

[Hawkman]

Thanks JB. Maybe, but certainly not Jean Jeanie :D