Rayu
05-01-2011, 06:05 PM
Note: English is not my native language, therefore my story might contain a high amount of stylistic and grammatical errors. Feel free to correct me. Also, this story is my first attempt to serious writing in English and I would love to get some constructive criticism on writing in general. I'm also still developing the story but I'm having trouble finding a good 'problem to solve' for my protagonist, though my primary goal is to describe the Utopia he's living in.
Date of writing: May 1st, 2011
A thin, red line seperated the night from the day. The black silhouette of the city would soon be bathing in sunlight. Daily life for many was about to start.
In one of the outer sections of the city, a young man was abruptly pulled out of his dreams by his cell phone alarm. After two fruitless attempts to make it stop in his state of semi-unconciousness he finally succeeded the third time and decided he deserved just a few more minutes of snoozing for this early-morning victory over technology. Little did he know that the cell phone was merely trying to help him and that it would try again in five minutes.
The young man rushed into the university building. With his hair still in a mess and the sleep still in his eyes, he opened the door as sillently as possible, but luck was not on his side. Under a loud squeeking protest of the door's hinges he entered the room where his professor was giving a lecture on linear algebra. "Good morning Mr. Kujba, I'm delighted to see you're taking interest in my class. Have a seat". The young man walked up the stairs up to the highest row of seats and found himself a spot where no one would notice him for the remainder of the lecture. He unfolded his laptop and sighed at the enormous amount of notes professor Amang had written on the chalk board. As he tried to find the logic in the inscriptions his neighbour, who had been grinning from the moment he stumbled in, decided to help him out. With the grin still on her face, she offered him her coffee and her notes. "Mondays, huh?" She whispered with a laugh. "Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, it doesn't matter. I need to find an alarm clock with a more persistent attitude." he replied, relieved by the kindness of his co-student.
Date of writing: May 1st, 2011
A thin, red line seperated the night from the day. The black silhouette of the city would soon be bathing in sunlight. Daily life for many was about to start.
In one of the outer sections of the city, a young man was abruptly pulled out of his dreams by his cell phone alarm. After two fruitless attempts to make it stop in his state of semi-unconciousness he finally succeeded the third time and decided he deserved just a few more minutes of snoozing for this early-morning victory over technology. Little did he know that the cell phone was merely trying to help him and that it would try again in five minutes.
The young man rushed into the university building. With his hair still in a mess and the sleep still in his eyes, he opened the door as sillently as possible, but luck was not on his side. Under a loud squeeking protest of the door's hinges he entered the room where his professor was giving a lecture on linear algebra. "Good morning Mr. Kujba, I'm delighted to see you're taking interest in my class. Have a seat". The young man walked up the stairs up to the highest row of seats and found himself a spot where no one would notice him for the remainder of the lecture. He unfolded his laptop and sighed at the enormous amount of notes professor Amang had written on the chalk board. As he tried to find the logic in the inscriptions his neighbour, who had been grinning from the moment he stumbled in, decided to help him out. With the grin still on her face, she offered him her coffee and her notes. "Mondays, huh?" She whispered with a laugh. "Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, it doesn't matter. I need to find an alarm clock with a more persistent attitude." he replied, relieved by the kindness of his co-student.