The Composer

[Delta40]

Tremelo
Your fist pounds your palm
My heart beats as it descends,
spilling out poco a poco.
Music sheets scatter across the room.
Sit!
The Harvest of Sorrow cloaks me.
My piano lid disrobes its dust
like a lover parting her legs.
Andante.
C Sharp. I sheer sideways grazioso
and get hammered in the hope
new notes will quell your rage.
Yes, I've wept wells of piteous ink
that blemish my skin.
Rubato.
I was beautiful once.
Now, a bow sprawls across a rickety table
its rosin dried,
chipped at the edges.
My teeth, broken shards
like yellowed ivory keys
that no longer play in tune.
Fermata.
A space, a moment
to recollect our own classic love.
Strings snap and our crescendo
curls brown at the corners.
Presto!
Your fists keep tempo
even when I cease to fight back.
I aspire, perspire, expire
to Mouldy Old Dough.
Da capo.

[PrinceMyshkin]

It's wonderful how the musical analogy is sustained throughout this and what better metaphor for making love than chamber music?

[MystyrMystyry]

I like very much!

Clever images and amusing use of orchestral theme!

I been reading too many utoob comment!

[qimissung]

And some beautiful imagery, too, Delta. Bravissimo!

[distortedlogic]

"A space, a moment
to recollect our own classic love.
Strings snap and our crescendo
curls brown at the corners.
Presto!"


This is beautiful! It's a very lovely poem.

[deryk]

This composition is exquisite, Delta. Your pastiche has quite a bit of panache, and what's more, it is both tasteful and raunchy and frightening in the same moment. Your cadence of sounds evokes the musical elements so well. Even the inherent silences of the piece -which are quite powerful- are gestured in a way I haven't yet figured out. This is certainly one to fawn over.

[MorpheusSandman]

This is really a wonderful exercise on how to sustain and elaborate on a metaphor throughout a piece, and I always love when people find unique ways to incorporate musical metaphors like this. Nice job.

[Wendy M]

yes agreed it has nice musical flow...

[Hawkman]

A bit too percussive to be truly musical I'd have said, but certaily ingenious in its use of an extended metaphor to describe an abusive relationship. The bald statements about pounding fists and broken teeth say it all really. Vivid imagery here, Delta. Good poem.

Live and be well - H

[blank|verse]

its use of an extended metaphor to describe an abusive relationship. The bald statements about pounding fists and broken teeth say it all really. Vivid imagery here, Delta. Good poem.
Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one to read the domestic abuse in this disturbing poem. Powerful stuff, Delta.

[Delta40]

Thanks everyone. I was surprised that the abusive element was not apparent. Perhaps the musical aspect of it was more overpowering and needed to be 'toned' down a little?

[Wendy M]

Fascinating Delta....like he depth, has great feeling on reading..:0

[qimissung]

Sorry for completely missing that element, Delta. I guess I was skimming, but that wasn't my intention. I just thought it was about a woman and her lover. Even just glancing at it now, I see what I missed.

It's quite powerful, and that's a rather novel way to approach the subject matter.

[deryk]

Sorry Delta, "My teeth" should have been a dead giveaway for an abusive scenario. And again, sorry to be the one to placate the proverbial gutter, but I did assume it was a mutual-consensual violence until I reached the broken teeth.

It is interesting that so many missed it, because it was quite obvious in the writing.

[Delta40]

No need to apologise. I have found many 'obvious' elements about a poem once I am told them!

[Jerrybaldy]

You always did like the word esoteric.

[Delta40]

I never remember what it means...

[Jerrybaldy]

Not being in the inner circle no bugger will tell me

[Delta40]

bugger! Well I'm buggered so I'm gonna bugger off.

[Cunninglinguist]

Thanks everyone. I was surprised that the abusive element was not apparent. Perhaps the musical aspect of it was more overpowering and needed to be 'toned' down a little?

The musical aspect was definitely dominant and the "abusive element" was, perhaps the best word I can think of is, repressed. But I don't think that the music ought to be turned down in the least - this reader thinks that the repression makes the poem stronger in that it more accurately portrays the condition. Most individuals who are abused are rather quiet about it, so I think it's only fitting that the poem should be too...I think what has happened in this poem is a Freudian slip, of sorts...in other words, I think the poet understood that and wrote it without being conscious of it.

[deryk]

If it's any further consolation, themes of sexuality on these forums act like black paint when mixed with any other element.