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Tonyw4rrior
04-26-2011, 04:06 PM
Train date

Even when you half expect something, it can take you by total surprise. It can change you and make you think differently.
The sound of the blast was death defying. The thrust of the wind from the explosion could be felt in our carriage. I peered through to the carriage that was between me and the carriage where the blast had taken place. A pushchair laid upside down the wheels still spinning. A mother, who looked barely old enough to have given a life, was knelt down beside it. In her hands was a blood soaked blanket. The window of the carriage door above where she laid was shattered, blood stained. It mirrored what I had seen on other London tubes. Except this time it was not due to adolescent vandals. The terrorists had given as much respect for human life as the vandals did for the trains. After the initial shock some people in my carriage felt the need to help. I felt myself being ushered into the middle carriage. Toddler’s blind to the reasons behind the bombing were crying and screaming. So were a couple of young teenage girls. A little bit more aware of what might have caused the blast. Ignorant to the politics behind it none the less. They played of each other like a choir plays of a conductor. People were still very anxious doubts in their minds there may be a second bomb. There never is a second bomb. The driver came on the tannoy I couldn't make out what he was saying, nor did I particularly care.I had to be somewhere, I had a date why was there a delay.
Unlike the movies there were no off duty doctors, or police officers making the commute this morning. The civilians on board this train are gonna have to take care off things until help arrived. "what do you think it was terrorists?" asked a man at the back of the carriage to who ever was listening. I could not see him. "of course its bloody terrorists" a much younger sounding man replied. Lying on the ground was a whimpering lady she looked uninjured, just dirty and dusty. She looked in my direction. Our eyes locked on for a fraction of a second and then she looked away, she was afraid to look at me. She knew I could read her thoughts. Because I was of Asian skin she some how saw it as my people who had set of the bomb. There were only a handful of casualties in this carriage. Other then the baby in the pram The worst hit was a middle aged lady who had got a piece of flying shrapnel stuck in her leg. There was a large pool of blood on the floor. And by the looks of it, the blood loss didn't seem to be slowing down. She was being dealt with by a couple who were making themselves busy. a man and a woman both in there late 30's or early 40's. The man looked around the coach his eyes fixed on me. Here we go again I thought, Another pair of evil looks. "your tie" he said.
It took me a moment to work out what he was saying, I starred blankly at him.
He looked down around my belly area, and repeated. "your tie, i need your tie".
I unloosened it and handed it over.
wearing suits was not something I was used to. I felt the need to wear it this morning to fit in with my date. To look the part and not stand out.
The smoke and dust was irritating my eyes. I had a thousand thoughts a second going through my head. Some thoughts I whisked right to the back of my mind not believing I had thought them. It was an embarrassment. The young mother i felt the need to find out how she was doing I swivelled around and lent over sideways to see if i could see her below the door's window. I could here a young baby crying, not a new born, 6 months old maybe.
I felt emotions come over me, emotions that I was unfamiliar with, emotions that had been drained out of me many years ago. once i knew she was safe I turned round and looked back in the direction of the middle aged lady.
"how long before help gets here" the man asked out loud"
I had a rough idea but remained silent.
The waiting period standing around doing nothing was excruciating. I looked at the blood stained carriage door took a deep breath and moved towards it. The middle of the left hand side of the carriage was completely torn apart, this is where he must of stood.
Arms, legs, and body parts I could not make out lied piled up. They will be happy with this I thought. The ones barely still alive were like zombies raising their arms trying to speak, but nothing came out.
I had an urge to help, but just couldn't bring myself to.I went back to the middle carriage. The busy two-some asked if there were survivors. I starred blankly at them, and wandered if they thought themselves lucky to still be alive.
Did they appreciate there lives? Or did they just sail from day to day without giving much thought to those suffering worldwide.
They awaited my response, I guess they thought I was in shock.
A bright light shined in through the carriage window, and soon after a man in police uniform stepped on Board.
He immediately starred at me whilst climbing on board. He didn't looked like your average uniformed police officer. This guy looked like he would fit in in MI5. No this guy looked like the anti terrorist sort of bloke. This wasn't a standard police officer!. Slowly he walked towards me. His eyes never left mine, he raised his arms in front of him about halfway between his neck and hips and then slowly lowered them. He continued to stare at me, he noticed a drop of sweat fall from the left hand side of my head. we both realized that he had seen it. This was the moment, this is where I finally meet my date. I reached under my shirt grabbed hold of the chord and praised A.....

L€lä RËmØ MÅðçÂ
04-26-2011, 04:07 PM
Thats very long. I dont think i can read so quick......

hillwalker
04-26-2011, 05:02 PM
Thats very long. I dont think i can read so quick......

Maybe the poster should have typed it out more slowly!

As for the story - I'll admit I managed to see the twist coming quite some way into the story. But you still managed to tease the reader - is he, or isn't he.

The only quibbles are the way you confuse 'laid' and 'lied' - 'lied' is the past tense of 'lie' as in 'tell a lie' and 'laid' the past tense of 'lay' as in 'lay an egg' or 'lay something down'.
The past tense of 'lie' as in 'lie down' is 'lay'.
And the past tense of 'shine' is 'shone' not 'shined'. Minor points perhaps - but annoying errors all the same.

There's also a little awkward repetition that needs attention - in particular the two sentences :

The thrust of the wind from the explosion could be felt in our carriage. I peered through to the carriage that was between me and the carriage where the blast had taken place.

But you've made a fair attempt at tackling a difficult issue. An interesting read from an original perspective.

H