The Great White Hype

[Hawkman]

That wedding, which enthrals the world,
distracts somewhat form Middle-Eastern calls
for Nato air-strikes on a tank or two.
Can’t really say I feel a thrill,
though neither do I wish them ill,
but actually I just don't care
about this latest happy pair.

I’ve seen too many public hitchings
and subsequent unseemly b!tchings
orchestrated by the Gurus of PR
telling us too much by far
of squiggy tapes and sucking toes.
The jam-rag quips of royal heirs
as headline news, just leave me froze.

And posing by the Taj Mahal,
with made up eyes, one whining gal
has even tried to wreck the crown -
as if their millions had let her down!
So, when the nice lad from a broken home
eventually ascends the throne,
will he do so with a wife called Kate
or with some other nubile mate?

[hillwalker]

Is there no escape from these ****ing nuptuals? Wherever we turn there's some grinning media head trying to make it all sound so exciting.

Anyway - I'm guessing you're not a huge fan of the BP parasites (although you treat them rather more kindly than some).

And there were some cutting comments here (once we get past the rather clod-hopping opening 3 lines).

I also stumbled when I reached 'just leave me froze' - it rhymes, but that's about it. Perhaps extending "toes" to "toes 'nd/the jam-rag quips....." would allow you to be 'frozen'??

But if I'm going to have to read anything to do with Friday's fiasco I suppose this best fits the bill.

H :Yawn:

[AuntShecky]

An amusing "take" on a topical subject. "What oft was thought but ne'er so well expressed" (especially lately.)

The speaker is so right in characterizing this non-event as a "distraction." A few years ago, Saturday Night Live did a animated sketch on that very phenomenon. (The comedy in that show is usually what is charitably called "uneven," but that bit by Robert Smigel (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Smigel) was spot on.)

Back to your piece. Two "l's" in "enthralls" by the bye. Some of the lines are beautifully phrased:
"orchestrated by the Gurus of PR" as well as this one:
telling us too much by far
of squiggy tapes and sucking toes.
The jam-rag quips of royal heirs
The second example reminded me of what happened when somebody got ahold of Prince Charles's love letters to the love of his life which were more graphic than a R-rated movie script. That was before Web jargon-- "TMI" ("too much information") but seeing it in the newpapers made me squeamish and embarrassed for everybody affected by the "leak."

It's just as well that I didn't get this reference:
And posing by the Taj Mahal,
with made up eyes, one whining gal
has even tried to wreck the crown -
as if their millions had let her down!

Apparently some "woman scorn'd" who'd been paid off? Who knows? Who cares?

The speaker in you light verse has plenty of company in real life. According to this news story (http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/richard-adams-blog/2011/apr/23/royal-wedding-americans-poll-bored), apparently only 6% of Americans are enthralled with the upcoming nuptials. This is despite the Yanks' insatiable jones for celebrity, Schadenfreude, and hype. There must be some ratings value in televising the event, however, else the big networks wouldn't be spending $ and personnel across the pond to cover it. One would think the Network Suits had learned their lesson with their previous broadcasts of the Olympics whose ratings seldom met their goal. On the other hand shots of London and its environs will interest viewers who haven't been fortunate enough to travel there. This includes Anglophiles such as meself --also highly sympathetic to the Irish despite the seemingly "cognitive disconnect."

I suspect that there is no doubt a devoted audience over here in the form of middle-aged, middle class, perhaps zaftig housewives looking for vicarious thrills, a chance to ooh and ahh at something other than the loss leader sale item @ Walmart. Pre-pubescent young women will also look in, especially if the aura of animated Disney princesses
still hang around their romantically-inclined little heads, doomed, alas, to be ever crownless. (But a gal can dream--that's what it's all about.)

The less quixotic among us see the event for what it is, an anachronism rather than "history in the making." As a topic for spoofing, though, what a gift! (Maybe Debi Snotenlocker, the Happy Housewife of East Hogwash USA, will make an appearance in the anti-humor thread later this week. We'll see.)

Thanks for posting this piece. I regard it much better than the Event, which I was going to boycott as I do with anything that only emphasizes the big gulf between the Rich and the Poor.

[Hawkman]

Hill, Thanks for reading and for your comment. Sorry you don't like the opening lines. It is a fairly lightweight piece but the topical nature of the subject requires illustration, and as distraction, the contrast with truly world-shaking upheavals and a fairly domestic sideshow was, I thought, justified.

The forced rhyme was exactly that, forced, and done for ironic and comic effect. I grant, however, that it may not, necessarily, be successful, or at least, to everyone's taste.

As a self-appointed, unofficial Anti-Lauriate I felt it was my duty to comment - lol.

Auntie, many thanks for reading, commenting and enjoying this irreverant offering. Oh, and by the way, only one L in enthrals in English english :D At least my dictionary and spell-checker both agree for once.

Quite frankly, the currency of Royal Weddings has been seriously devalued of late. There just aren't enough princesses of sufficient status any more! Anyway, most of them would be his cousins as they were nearly all descended from Queen Victoria...

As for the fairy-tale criterion, I'd have thought the girl scored pretty highly here. The Spencer woman was actually related to the house of Windsor. I don't believe the Middletons are.

I look forward to learning what Ms Snotenlocker makes of it all...

Live long and prosper - H

[Delta40]

lol. I agree with all the positive criticisms above hawk. We're subjected to the entire event live on Friday night. I would care if the royal family actually did more for the world than walk around, attending openings but as it is....

[qimissung]

Well, I don't hate them. I think they're kinda cute. I'm not enamoured of the whole thing, and it's highly unlikely I'll get up at 5 a.m. on Friday morning to watch them tie the proverbial knot, but I wish them well.

Clever poem, Hawkman, although I'm not sure the subject warranted your time and talent. My only other criticism: "just leave me froze..." is that even grammatically correct? (:D)

[Jerrybaldy]

Lest we forget, as John Lydon said, tourists are money and therefore this event is just fine by me.

[Hawkman]

Delta: Glad I gave you a giggle... Sadly, the Royals are denied an effective political role by our politicians, who, despite lying to us to get themselves elected, lining their own pockets while in office and then abandoning us to the fates when they finally get found out, consider themselves far more important and worthy than the crown who's power they have userped :D Still, a bit of pageantry keeps the tourists coming.

qim: Hi and thanks for reading. Can't say I blame you for not wanting to defy your natural sleep patterns in order to watch. No, not gramatically correct, merely, "down home". I need a little satire to keep the brain alive...

JB: Well, as they say, "It all makes work for the working man to do." and as we don't make anything in this country any more, why not earn a bob or two sweeping up horse droppings....

Live long and prosper - H

[MorpheusSandman]

I don't think I have much to add to Aunt's excellent criticism, except to join in the chorus in saying this is a superb piece of satire. FWIW, I also got the sense that those forced rhymes and predictably bland rhythms echoes the disinterest in the event itself. There's an ironic weariness that's all over the piece, like that wise old guy that sits in the corner of a bar, sneering at every new fad that pops up on the TV. I think most people would be willing to join in a chorus of "amens!" with what you express here.

[Hawkman]

Thanks Morpheus. I'm particularly glad that you're in tune with the vibe of the piece and that you were able to enjoy it for what it is.

Live long and prosper - H

[MorpheusSandman]

Interestingly enough, there was actually a movie titled The Great White Hype (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116448/) from years back starring Samuel L. Jackson and Jeff Goldblum.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Let's see how many events we can come up with that we'd prefer to watch rather than the royal wedding. For me it would start with a pair of haddock spawning.

[Delta40]

lol. A snail triathalon

[Hawkman]

Hi Prince, Your distraction would seem to be alarmingly voyeuristic and possibly even kinky. A Haddock fetishist! - Whatever next? :D

Delta: A true Aussie to the core... Obsessed with sport!

LLAP - H

[blank|verse]

Well someone had to write one, Hawk! It's good fun and probably reflects how a lot of people feel about things.

There are some more Royal Wedding poems, including one by our 'I thought she was a Republican Feminist' Poet Laureate, here (http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2011/apr/23/wedding-carol-ann-duffy-poetry).

And a 'comedy' poem - which I'm sure you'll hate, Hawk - here (http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2011/apr/17/royal-wedding-tim-key-poem).

[Hawkman]

Thanks b/v, and you were right I did hate it :D Not really poetry in my view, more a series of self indugent notes by a narcissist really :) Can't say I like republicans much either. I definately side with the cavaliers :D Now a feminist cavalier would be something! just so long as they're not a vegetarian.

Via con Dios - H

[Jerrybaldy]

I dont want to piss in the wind of popular opinion but I am one cynical old bastard and I think the whole thing was the most positive sign to come out of this land for some time.