Perfect dream, awful nightmare

[rae709]

*I wrote this during a bad time back in February; I just never had the heart to put it up until now.


I wish you could see me in the morning and see how deep you hurt me.
I sleep dreaming of you;
You hold me close,
You promise to love me forever,
You say you'll never leave me,
You tell me this over and over again.
But then I wake up;
I'm alone in my bed,
Holding a lifeless pillow filled with tears.
I wish you could truly see what you gave me;
You gave me a perfect dream for when I sleep,
But an awful nightmare to live everyday.

[Buh4Bee]

The sentiment of this is beautiful.

[rae709]

thanks, jersea. that means a lot to me.

[MorpheusSandman]

You can certainly feel the emotion of the piece, but I think the metaphor of the dream/sleep nightmare/wake you mention at the end of the piece could've been used throughout the entirety, as a well developed metaphor can always say/suggest things much more powerfully than simply saying it directly.

[hillwalker]

The sentiment comes through loud and clear but it's not particularly original. It may mean something to the person it was written about (who presumably will never get to read it) but for anyone sitting on the sidelines such as the rest of us it doesn't say an awful lot of note.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

I think it wreaks of self pity in principle. Screw all who choose to screw you. Do not lay down in weakness. x