Destiny

[Pendragon]

Thought I'd share this one. It won a poetry contest for me.

Destiny

The days pass like eons now
Shadows fill up each waking hour
I might face them better if I knew how
But they wait in silence my soul to devour

Shadows fill up each waking hour
With dread bringing sweat upon the brow
But they wait in silence my soul to devour
I dare not lift my weary hand from the plow

With dread bringing sweat upon the brow
I’ll go down in flames, fighting every hour
I dare not lift my weary hand from the plow
Hope whispers softly, “Weakness is power.”

But they wait in silence my soul to devour
And Death hovers close on my ship’s prow
Survival depends on living in each hour
And giving Fate a raised eyebrow

Pendragon
© Sunday, March 13, 2011

[symphony]

I havent read one from you for ages, dear Uncle Pen! And this reads so smoothly despite the constraints of the form, so swift, you can almost feel the days passing in it, within it, and also the dread behind that passing. I absolutely love the last 2 lines.

[Delta40]

The repetiveness seems appropriate here.

[MorpheusSandman]

I actually read this in the Form Contest thread, and, as I always, I'm impressed with your work. The only thing I wasn't fond of is the syntax of the 4th line; going object/subject+preposition/verb would've been preferable to simply reversing verb and object. I also like that it would bread a certain ambiguity, where "my soul" could be either the object or an expression, or perhaps even a continuance of the last line, which would then make it either an aposiopesis or anacoluthon.

[YesNo]

I actually read this in the Form Contest thread, and, as I always, I'm impressed with your work. The only thing I wasn't fond of is the syntax of the 4th line; going object/subject+preposition/verb would've been preferable to simply reversing verb and object. I also like that it would bread a certain ambiguity, where "my soul" could be either the object or an expression, or perhaps even a continuance of the last line, which would then make it either an aposiopesis or anacoluthon.

I agree that the fourth line made me pause.

I had to look up aposopesis and anacoluthon, but Wikipedia has nice definitions. :)

Overall the poem appears to be about fear of approaching death, like the "Do not go calmly into that dark night" poem by Thomas. (I can't remember the title exactly.)

Although I'm not religious, I don't see death as something to devour my soul, but perhaps as just a transition--I'm not sure into what, but a transition nonetheless where consciousness doesn't end. But for those who see death as a final dissolution of consciousness, it seems to describe the situation correctly.

The poem does mention that there is some other who will devour me, that is, my soul or consciousness. The existence of this other is interesting.

[AuntShecky]

I was trying to guess the form of this. All I could come up with is that it's a modified pantoum.

But then, I clicked on the "Form Poetry Contest" and found that it was a "quadrilew," which was the choice of form by Dark Muse. That's a new one on me, but an interesting form nonetheless. With your
example, the repeated lines (or refrains) are quite effective, as is the rhyme scheme.

Congrats on winning the poetry contest, by the bye.

[Pendragon]

Thank you all, you are very generous in your praise. That fourth line doesn't seem confusing to me, as it continues from the second line, with the third line being the aside. But no doubt it could have been phrased better, one of the problems with writing at breakneck speed and not editing. :) :) :)