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Desertsky
04-18-2011, 10:37 PM
In a desert land
Your eyes keep me thirst where I stand
And scattered voices are heard unaware of the sand

A river flows out, away
None have seen it by day
Within the night, I break down and pray

I am worn, I can go on no more
Please hear me, take my hand
Take me out of this lonely land

Time seems to take me
And the land keeps me
Always I wait, without your hand

Patience is unwanted
But inevitably endured
This is how I exist, my eyes are closed

Opening my eyes
I'm laying on dry ground
From in front of me is a gracious sound

She feels like water cupped in my hands
A saving river out of this land
A love beyond the common man

Your hand takes me
I go on, out of a dry land
To live unworn, without the sand

MorpheusSandman
04-19-2011, 02:00 AM
There's a lot of heart and emotion in this, but I think you need to reign in the sloppy meters and rhythm, especially if you want to keep the end-rhymes.