Drinking to die

[MrLightening]

Here is a story I wrote yesterday. It's a how to guide from an embittered alcoholic.

DRINKING TO DIE by MrLightening

The one thing you never hear about alcohol is that it’s an art. And I’m not talking about the brewers and distillers pumping the **** out for our glasses. I’m talking about the drinkers. And I’m not talking about the ones who are drinking for fun. I’m talking about the real drinkers who are drinking to live. These are the fallen artists of our time, putting in hours and hours into a craft that will never be fully appreciated. Hell even the fifteen year old on work experience in McDonalds at least earns five dollars a day. What is there for you, true drinker? What is there for you once you reach the top of your game?

To continue reading: http://storymash.com/u/MrLightening/gemagewo/

Any feedback would be great. I'm new on this site (posted a few days ago with Guidance) and nobody wrote me back. I'm a serious writer and I will look at anyone's work if they look at mine. Thank you :))

[MrLightening]

Thanks, dennyma0

Do you have anything you want me to read?

Here's another story for anyone who's bored. I wrote this one a couple of hours ago for a laugh.
INSPECTOR BRUDDA: Gay Detective
http://storymash.com/u/MrLightening/hidevuhu/

[TheBearJew]

Your writing is smooth and flows well and while it was clever, something about it turned me off a bit. I can't put my finger on what that was exactly, but it seemed a bit soulless, a bit too Palahniuk-esque. I know that's not the most exact or helpful critique, but I just think it lacked emotion and wasn't interesting enough to draw me in without that.

[MrLightening]

Thanks for reading BearJew!
Very good comments. I assume we're talking about Drinking to Die, and not my joke story Inspector Brudda :) When I sat down to write DTD I focused more on the way I said things than what I was actually saying. So it probably comes across more readable than some of my other work, but it also lacks the honesty because I'm not speaking directly from the heart. Well spotted! Would you like me to read something of yours BearJew?

[Delta40]

Can I just say that you will get more reviews by posting the story in full on lit-net. I know that I'm amongst some who refuse to click onto links to other websites.

[TheBearJew]

Thanks for reading BearJew!
Very good comments. I assume we're talking about Drinking to Die, and not my joke story Inspector Brudda :) When I sat down to write DTD I focused more on the way I said things than what I was actually saying. So it probably comes across more readable than some of my other work, but it also lacks the honesty because I'm not speaking directly from the heart. Well spotted! Would you like me to read something of yours BearJew?

Well, I'd just recommend that you sit and think and find a way to communicate things more honestly. It may come out rougher, but it has substance that can't be otherwise replaced.

And sure, if you have some time, I've posted a few short stories on here:

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=53536

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=60833

The latter being the most recent. Thanks.

[MrLightening]

Can I just say that you will get more reviews by posting the story in full on lit-net. I know that I'm amongst some who refuse to click onto links to other websites.

I will consider that next time before posting :smilewinkgrin:

But the links I've posted are to storymash.com, and I like how they present stories on that site. It's better than just posting in a thread. More professional.